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While monitoring traffic at KAPA, we overheard a Skyhawk pilot having a difficult day. Having gone around on his first attempt, he ended up safely on the ground on his second -- if a bit long and far from gracefully. ... Tower: "Skyhawk 123, you O.K. there?" ... Skyhawk 123: "Yeah. We took a bounce there. [pause] I hope it didn't look as bad as it felt." ... Tower: "It did." -- Tom McDaniel More

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As number two in the pattern today, I announced: "Comanche, right downwind, runway 21." ... Number three in the pattern said: "182 on 45, looking for traffic." ... I responded: "I'm over the hill, turning base now." ... Number three said: "If you're flying today, there's no way you're over the hill." -- Al Briguglio More

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I was on Ground Control at KTUS Sunday, March 8, as the National Guard F-16s were out doing their usual practice. ... The tower called out to one of them: "Looks like you have an empty seat there." ... The pilot in the F-16 radioed back: "Wishful thinking." ... Then a guy taking off in a Cessna 182 radioed in: "We have an empty seat in our 182." ... The tower responded: "I'll take it." -- Paul DeHerrera More

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ORD TRACON was pretty busy last night, so we had to wait to check in for a couple of minutes. Just ahead of us, we heard TRACON issue an airliner a warning about an unauthorized laser illumination event: ... TRACON: "Airline XXX, unauthorized laser illumination event at 0035Z, ten miles west of PWK, reported at 7,000 feet -- a green laser." ... Airliner XXX: "Roger. Airline XXX. We'll be -- [short pause] -- not looking." -- Chris Lawson More

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A few years ago, when there was a tethered aerostat by Cross City, Florida, I heard the following radio communication: ... Pilot 1 to Pilot 2, flying in very loose formation: "Watch for the tethered ballon at 10,000 feet." ... Pilot 2: "That's no problem. I'm well below 10,000 feet." -- Jim Finley More

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A few years back, I was doing multi- education in a 310 at St. Louis international. The student was making a lot of go-arounds, and I was keeping the tower informed. Finally, our clearance was: "N1234, it's a nice night, and we're not busy. Cleared to land on any runway you think you might be able to." -- Robert Braun More

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About 20 years ago, I was flying on a cloudy Saturday morning southwest of Austin, Texas. I was monitoring Austin approach when I heard a conversation from a plane inbound to Austin asking if they were in radar contact. ... Approach asked if they were the plane ten miles west of Comfort, Texas on a heading of XXX. ... The voice replied, "I don't think so. The town I see is too close for Comfort." -- Bryan D. Miller More

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Years ago, we were approaching Cleveland on a clear Sunday afternoon. Accompanied by nearly unbearable static, we heard an obviously nervous light plane pilot trying to tell Hopkins tower where he was, how high he was, and what he wanted to do. When he finally (and mercifully) finished, the tower calmly replied with a clearance and added, "And you don't have to talk so loud." The guy in the little plane came back and said, "But I don't have a radio!" -- Capt. Walt Bates, UAL (retired) More

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Heard this exchange on the radio a few (many) years ago. ... Cessna 123: "Center, Cessna 123 with you at angels eight five." ... ATC: "Cessna 123, traffic 2 o'clock, four miles, eastbound. Say altitude." ... Cessna 123: "No joy. Angels eight five. Looking." ... ATC: "Cessna 123, say altitude." ... Cessna 123: "Angels eight five." ... ATC: "Cessna 123, we're not making a war movie here. Say your altitude." ... Cessna 123: "Eight thousand five hundred." ... Made me want to find his instructor and slap him for creating another "dweeb" on the radio. -- M. Whitcomb More

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A little late, perhaps, but we couldn't pass this one up: ... After the National Conference playoff game between Green Bay and Seattle in Seattle Sunday night, the Boeing Field ATIS went through the normal weather, approach, and NOTAMS, and at the end the controller said, "On initial contact inform ATC you have information 'Russell Wilson.'" ... All the Seahawks fans that had flown in for the game thought it was pretty funny. -- Bill Webber More