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Years ago, we were approaching Cleveland on a clear Sunday afternoon. Accompanied by nearly unbearable static, we heard an obviously nervous light plane pilot trying to tell Hopkins tower where he was, how high he was, and what he wanted to do. When he finally (and mercifully) finished, the tower calmly replied with a clearance and added, "And you don't have to talk so loud." The guy in the little plane came back and said, "But I don't have a radio!" -- Capt. Walt Bates, UAL (retired) More

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Heard this exchange on the radio a few (many) years ago. ... Cessna 123: "Center, Cessna 123 with you at angels eight five." ... ATC: "Cessna 123, traffic 2 o'clock, four miles, eastbound. Say altitude." ... Cessna 123: "No joy. Angels eight five. Looking." ... ATC: "Cessna 123, say altitude." ... Cessna 123: "Angels eight five." ... ATC: "Cessna 123, we're not making a war movie here. Say your altitude." ... Cessna 123: "Eight thousand five hundred." ... Made me want to find his instructor and slap him for creating another "dweeb" on the radio. -- M. Whitcomb More

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A little late, perhaps, but we couldn't pass this one up: ... After the National Conference playoff game between Green Bay and Seattle in Seattle Sunday night, the Boeing Field ATIS went through the normal weather, approach, and NOTAMS, and at the end the controller said, "On initial contact inform ATC you have information 'Russell Wilson.'" ... All the Seahawks fans that had flown in for the game thought it was pretty funny. -- Bill Webber More

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Back in the early 1960s, I was a USAF F-101B Voodoo interceptor pilot flying out of the San Francisco Bay area. Every couple of months, we would have an exercise where friendly T-33 target aircraft with the callsigns "Brainbird Alpha," "Brainbird Bravo," "Brainbird Charlie," etc. would sneak up on the base. I got to fly the target one time, entering from Oregon over the Baker Beacon (an early ADF radio range). Passing over the beacon, I got to call the FAA and announce: "Brainbird Bravo is over the Baker Beacon!" -- George J. Marrett More

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Years ago, I was a 727 first officer and was flying with Captain Chester Hector. We were eventually going to cross an intersection called Hector. ... I couldn't resist. I got on the radio and asked: "This is United 123. Captain Chester Hector requests a vector direct to Hector." ... Of course, the controller came right back and said: "Roger dodger. Chester Hector is cleared direct to Hector." ... 37 Years with the airline, and only once have I ever had that coincidence. It was a memorable moment for me at least. -- Bob Morrow More

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Saturday, December 6, approximately 18:00 local time, I am sitting on the ramp at KTMB waiting on an IFR clearance. Here is the conversation I hear: ... N1234: "Tamiami Ground, N1234 at T hangar, ready for taxi." ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, I don't see you. Taxi up to and hold short of taxiway E." ... [pause] ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, I see you now. Confirm you are a flight of two." ... N1234: "Affirmative. I am a flight of two." ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, taxi E to 9R; cleared to cross 31." ... N1234: "N1234 taxiing E to 9R. Cleared to cross 31." ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, I confirm you are a flight of two." ... N1234: "Affirmative. I am a flight of two." ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, I only see one of you." ... N1234: "Of course you only see one. My cabin windows are tinted. There are two of us in here." ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, 'a flight of two' means there are two aircraft." ... N1234: "How could I fly two planes?" ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, 'a flight of two' means there are two aircraft and one pilot is talking for both aircraft." ... N1234: "No. There is just my plane, with two people inside." ... KTMB Ground: "N1234, you should have filed 'two souls on board' and not put 'flight of two' in the remarks. I will adjust your flight plan." ... N1234: "Sorry. Thanks." -- Jeff Mayerle More

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On New Year's Day 2014, my friends and I were flying to the CA-AZ RV fly-in at Lake Havasu. While crossing a "cold" MOA that was normally used for air refueling tracks, my RV-10 encountered a RV-6 that continued in the 8 o'clock low position; it was obviously going to the fly-in, but I felt it too close to continuously ignore. ... I was talking to ABQ center on the higher altitude frequency; he was talking on the lower ABQ frequency. After several minutes of this, I called ABQ and said, "Please advise the RV-6 at our 8 o'clock that we are unable to refuel him at this time." ... After a short chuckle by ABQ center, the RV-6 altered track and moved away. -- David McNeill More

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Back in the 1970s, when transponders were just starting to be used, a pilot contacted Tucson Approach Control. Approach asked him if he "had a transponder on board." ... To which the pilot responded: "No. Just the wife and I, headed to Phoenix." -- Burke McClure More

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Several years ago, I was flying from John Wayne (KSNA) to Big Bear (L35) on a route that crossed that of arriving traffic into Ontario (KONT). It was the anniversary of the Wright Brothers' first flight, well into the holiday gift-buying season. ... East of Ontario, SoCal instructed me to alter course 20 degrees to the right to avoid traffic at my 10 o'clock, a southwest-bound 757 descending out of 8,000 feet. My traffic was a UPS cargo flight headed into Ontario, no doubt laden with gifts from the North Pole. ... After we passed, SoCal instructed me to resume my own nav. I replied, "Never let it be said that this Piper driver doesn't give way to Santa Claus." Chuckles ensued on 134.0! -- Tom Corbett More

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It was the wee hours of the morning, and the center's frequency had been dead silent for quite a while. Finally, a pilot just had to check. ... Pilot: "Uh, Albuquerque anybody home?" ... Controller: "Nope. We're all at work." -- Art Friedman More