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Over the North Pacific in the middle of the night, we were catching up to a slower aircraft below us as we were coming up to a position-report waypoint. We listened out on the HF, and it was a MAC flight. He was obviously listening out as we gave our position report, and, shortly after, he came up on the air-to-air frequency. ... He asked: "Hey, what kind of an aircraft do you have with such a small amount of fuel?" ... We replied: "It's an A340 metric airplane, and the fuel is in kilograms." ... He said: "Oh. Now that makes sense." -- David Lamb, via e-mail More

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Years ago, working in the Delta radio shop, I had a VHF receiver tuned to an ATL tower frequency. Tower had an Eastern DC-9 go around twice. The second time, the DC-9 responded: "We can do this all afternoon if you like, but in a little while we are going to have to land and refuel." -- Lewis Linson, via e-mail More

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On a recent flight north of Florida, a Pilatus checked in with Jacksonville Centre: ... Pilatus: "Jack Centre, Pilatus N1234. FL 250, smooth ride, outside air temp -24 degrees Celsius." ... Jacksonville Centre: "Pilatus N1234, Jacksonville Centre. Roger. Recommend not rolling down your windows." ... Pilatus (after a short pause): "Say again for N1234." ... Centre: "It was an attempt at a joke." -- Alan Plaunt, via e-mail More

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An Air New Zealand DC-10 en route from Auckland to Honolulu was about to pass the southbound company flight in the early morning hours, and its crew was chatting with another flight on the inter-plane frequency. In short order, a Qantas aircraft joined the conversation. A bit later, a USAF MAC aircraft called in as the fourth. ... MAC: "Aahh, say, New Zeland 6: What type of aircraft are you?" ... NZ6 First Officer: "Stand by. I'll ask the flight engineer." ... [After a suitable pause.] ... "Aahh, DC-10" ... Deafening silence from the MAC. -- Gary Wright, via e-mail More

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Two airplanes took off from the same controlled airport right after each other -- one a Cessna 172, the other a Cessna 182. The first off was the Cessna 172 Skyhawk, followed a minute or so later by his buddy in the Cessna 182. Both were headed for the same destination airport. Just before the 182 left controlled air space, the tower controller asked the 182 driver if he had the Skyhawk at 12 o'clock one mile out. The 182 reported, "Looking. No contact yet." The 172 driver chimed in on the conversation and said, "Not to worry. I owe him money. He won't hit me!" True story. Towered airport was El Monte (KEMT); destination for both airplanes was Cable Airport (KCCB) in Upland, California. -- Doug Latch, via e-mail More

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Pilot: "Center, N12345." ... Center: "N12345, where have you been? We haven't heard from you in a while." ... Pilot: "I've been in Fort Myers for the last three months or so." ... Center: "N12345 " [Chuckles.] "No, you've been NORDO for the last 45 minutes; we haven't heard a communication from you. When did you last speak to a controller?" ... Pilot: "I guess 45 minutes ago." -- Susan Delgado, via e-mail More

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When arriving at the first stop on our pilots association's annual poker run, one of our pilots said on the frequency, for all to hear: "Geez. There's more than one runway here. That makes it kinda confusing." -- Gene Clifford, via e-mail (We love a pilot who accidentally says over the mic something everyone has thought at one time or another.) More

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Late on a low-traffic night, an Ozark flight requested landing instructions into Des Moines, reporting his altitude as 6,000 feet. He was given clearance since no other traffic was in the area. After a few seconds, the Ozark pilot again called, saying, "Uh, that 6,000 feet -- that shoulda been 5,000 feet. Gee, this thing's got a lot of dials and gauges!" Reply from the tower: "Uh, yeah!" -- Ron Morden, via e-mail More

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It was the late 1980s, and a Pan Am 727 was holding at Berlin Tegel. Another Pan Am 727 made a less than graceful arrival, clouds of smoke from the tires, clouds of smoke from the reversers, horizontal stab shaking alarmingly, and the whole thing bouncing around until it safely vacated the runway. ... The Holding Pan Am Aircraft, Over the Radio: "Is that you, Hank?" ... The New Arrival: "Yup." ... Holding Pan Am: "Anyone hurt?" ... New Arrival: "Nope." -- Pete Wild, via e-mail More

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Center asked an aircraft flying IFR: "Say altitude." ... and the pilot came back with: "Altitude." ... The controller at center did not miss a beat and came right back with: "Say 'cancel IFR.'" ... to which the pilot of the aircraft said correct altitude and "sorry" -- nothing more. ... Had to be some "got ya" laughs in aircraft on the same frequency. (By the way, it was MPLS Center.) -- Steve, via e-mail More