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Heard at Orlando Executive: Tower: "Ercoupe 1234, we have a blimp landing to the right of runway 7. Reduce speed." Ercoupe: "1234 reducing speed." Tower: "1234, make a half-'S' turn to the left." Ercoupe: "1234 making a half-assed turn to the left." Robert C. Abbaticchio via e-mail More

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Several years ago, while passing through Caracas air space, I heard this on the radio: Piper 1234: "Caracas Control, Piper 1234 inbound for full stop." Caracas: "Piper 1234, turn right five degrees to intercept the ILS." Piper 1234: "Caracas, five degrees is too little a turn for me." Caracas: "Piper 1234, can you make a 90-degree turn?" Piper 1234: "Affirmative. I can do 90 degrees." Caracas: "Roger. Piper 1234, make a 95-degree turn to the right, then make a 90-degree turn to the left to intercept the ILS." Tom McEntire via e-mail More

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As an AIM AIR missionary pilot flying in South Sudan, listening in on Juba International Airport's frequency can provide a few minutes of eye-watering laughs. It is a completely non-radar environment, and all position reports are by radial and DME. Everyone, from the British Airways flights transiting overhead to our small bush airplanes, all share the common frequency. Last year, I heard this exchange between a Kenya Airways jet and the tower controller after he was done handling half a dozen other aircraft: Juba: "Kenya 543, please state your position." Kenya 543: "Juba, we are on the ground." Juba (rapidly) : "Confirm on the ground!" Kenya 543: "Yes, sir. On the ground." Juba (pausing) : "Roger. Vacate via taxiway Bravo. Over to the marshaler." Needless to say, my confidence in their traffic separation abilities went way up! Jerry Hurd via e-mail More

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A friend of mine is a helicopter instructor in Arizona, and a student of his is approaching the cross-country flight portion of flight training. My instructor friend received this text from his student a few days ago: Hey, you've got me down for a cross-country to TBD. Where is it? I can't find it anywhere! Kate via e-mail More

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Climbing out of Houston on a Sunday afternoon: Houston Center: "Citation 123, please see if you can contact Challenger ABCD on 128.17 and have them contact Houston Center." [A few minutes pass.] Challenger ABCD: "Houston Center, this is Challenger ABCD checking in at flight level 360." Houston Center: "Roger, Challenger ABCD. Descend to FL 240. What was the last frequency you were on?" Challenger ABCD: "It was New York Center 132.05. They never handed us off." Peter Serodino via e-mail More

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In the late 1950s, our aero club was transitioning from Tiger Moths without radio to "cabin class" with the addition of a Tri-Pacer and a C-172A, where the flights were made without headsets using the overhead speaker. It came that an MK-5 Auster we had been restoring was due for test flying, and our chief flying instructor decided he must make the flight. The Auster duly taxied to the far edge of our all-over field, where it sat for five minutes before returning to the tarmac. The CFI climbed out and stated that he could hardly hear the speaker, and please do not waste his time until it was fixed. Nothing was really said; we just pointed to the earphones hanging behind his head. Jim Hammond via e-mail More

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Overheard during a very, very rough ride out of Newark last week: Center: "Airliner 123, how is your ride?" Airliner 123: "The rides are crap." [momentary pause] Airliner 123: "I'm sorry. That was unprofessional of me. The rides are unsatisfactory." Center: "Your first description was acceptable." Rob Nabieszko via e-mail More

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Frederick Municipal Airport (FDK, elevation 303 feet) with a long-standing glider club on the field, recently began tower operations. After the tower had been operating for about one week, on a relatively busy Saturday afternoon I heard this exchange: Glider: "Frederick Tower, Glider XXX at 1,600 feet inbound for a right downwind for landing runway 12, with information Sierra ... ." Tower: "Glider XXX, Frederick Tower. Hold your altitude. I have a few ahead of you." Glider: "Frederick Tower, I'm a glider." Tower: "Glider XXX, cleared to land, runway 12." Lance Nuckolls via e-mail More

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This was my experience, airborne near Hollister (CA) inbound to Salinas (CA) airport, SNS: Me: "Oakland Flight Watch, Aircoupe 1234, ten east of Hollister. Please give me current Salinas weather." OAK: "Aircoupe 1234, Oakland Flight Watch. What's the identifier?" Me: "Salinas identifier is SNS." OAK: "I know what the identifier for Salinas is. I need the identifier for your location near Hollister." Me: "I don't know the identifier for Hollister. Just please give me the weather at Salinas." OAK: "The computer won't let me give you the Salinas weather unless I tell it where you are with an identifier." Me: "Disregard my request. I'll call on my cell phone. It doesn't care where I'm at!" Bill via e-mail More

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We had lost our autopilot and advised the local ATC controller in the Kyrgyz Republic that we were not RVSM-compliant. This prompted the following exchange: Aircraft 1234 (us) : "Aircraft 1234, Osh control. State nature of the problem?" Osh Control: "Osh Control, Aircraft 1234. We have lost our autopilot." [long pause] Osh Control: "Aircraft 1234, which pilot doesn't work?" Karl Vogelheim via e-mail More