November 7, 2011
I was flying a particularly noisy pusher seaplane back to KPIE one day. These things have the engine right over your head and between the straight-through exhaust and prop swinging by the fuselage. They are super noisy.
On my first radio call to the tower, they came back with:
"Transmission unreadable. Just a loud noise."
I keyed up again, using my loud voice:
"Just a second. Let me shut off the engine."
The tower replied:
"No! Nooo!"
It was then obvious to me that my intention to go to idle power had been misinterpreted ... .
Mike Dwyer
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October 31, 2011
While ferrying an airplane from Michigan to Florida, we heard a friendly exchange between a male controller and a female pilot. The pilot was not having a great day and was not too happy about flying.
Controller:
"At least you have a nice view. I'm stuck in a dark room just looking at guys."
Pilot:
"It's not much better up here, sir."
My female pilot and I both burst out laughing.
Stephen Ritter
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October 24, 2011
My son and I took advantage of a beautiful October day to fly to Blairstown, New Jersey and catch the fall foliage. Sipping a Coke and watching the arrivals and departures, we saw a bright orange Grumman Tiger taxi in. From it emerged a man and a woman; the woman seemed to be carrying a big fur hat in her arms. As they approached, I realized it was a cat!
Me:
"You take your cat flying?"
The Woman from the Tiger:
"Yes, and she loves it."
I shook my head in amazement.
The Woman from the Tiger:
"And she's not just a cat — she's a Grumman cat!"
Rabbi Don Weber
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October 17, 2011
I had been holding at Colts Neck VOR in the New York ATC system for about an hour — which was not uncommon in the late '60s — with others arriving in early evening from the South and the Caribbean.
One of the co-pilots in the holding pattern asked us to monitor a discreet frequency, on which he asked all the aircraft their position and speed in the hold, then asked if they could increase or decrease their speeds slightly. Eventually, he got all the aircraft turning over the VOR, to start a new outbound leg, at the same time!
We heard the controller shout, "Hey! Where are all my aeroplanes? I've just got one great big blob!"
Magic!
Alan Murgatroyd
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October 10, 2011
Last fall, while I was in the circuit to land at Toronto Buttonville (CYKZ) airport, I was listening to the tower controller who was giving a running commentary and warning to pilots on final to watch for Canada geese that were flying back and forth over the threshold of the active runway, creating a very nasty bird strike hazard. After the controller had made the warning for the fourth time in a very short period of time, she again repeated it to me as I was short final -- in a very frustrated tone. I decided to try and lighten the frustration to her day.
Cessna Amphibian 1234:
"Can't you just give those geese a transponder code?"
Buttonville Tower:
"They won't comply!"
Paul Armstrong
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October 3, 2011
While flying southbound IFR in good VMC conditions to Sun 'n Fun two years ago, we overheard the following conversation:
Cessna 1234 (sounding like a student pilot) :
"Approach, request flight following."
Approach:
"Cessna 1234, what is your location -- altitude and destination?"
Cessna 1234:
"We just departed Salisbury. 1,500 feet."
Approach:
"What is your destination?"
Cessna 1234:
[A few unintelligible words mumbled, with no definitive answer.]
[Long pause.]
Approach (laughter in his voice) :
"Would you like me to select your destination?"
Cessna 1234:
"Where do you recommend?"
Howard McVay
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September 26, 2011
Inbound to Kennedy in the early '60s. Canarsie approach. Aircraft lined up on the inbound radial to keep 210 knots.
Controler:
"American 123, what's your speed?"
American 123:
"210."
Controller:
"Scandinavian 456, what's your speed?"
Scandinavian 456:
"210."
Controller:
"Air France 789, what's your speed?"
Air France 789:
"210."
[Silence for a while. Then ...]
Controller:
"One of you is a #*@! liar!"
Björn Ekberg
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September 19, 2011
Witnessed by me as an FAA controller at Waterloo (Iowa) in the mid-'80s. The G.A. ramp is next to the terminal ramp, so these two aircraft were parked in close proximity to each other. Here is how the exchange went:
Tomahawk 86B:
"Waterloo ground: Tomahawk 86 Bravo, ready to taxi."
ATC:
"Tomahawk 86 Bravo: Roger, taxi to runway 30."
TWA 687:
"TWA 687, ready to taxi."
ATC:
"TWA 687, taxi to runway 30."
[The controller has the Tomahawk follow the DC-9.]
ATC:
"Tomahawk 86 Bravo, follow the DC-9 off your right; taxi to runway 30."
Tomahawk 86B:
"Tomahawk 86 Bravo. Roger."
The DC-9 just sat there and sat there. Finally, the DC-9 started his taxi and apologized to the Tomahawk pilot. It went like this:
TWA 687:
"Sorry about the delay there, Tomahawk; this our first time in here."
Tomahawk 86B:
"That's O.K. I'm a student pilot, too."
[Followed by complete radio silence ... .]
David Morales
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September 12, 2011
LH741:
"Tower, give me a rough time-check!"
Tower:
"It's Tuesday, sir."
Jim Moore (and friends)
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September 5, 2011
Many years ago, I had to make a night flight from Cable Airport to Phoenix in a Cessna 150. The weather was clear, and I filed a VFR flight plan for N51139 and departed at 10:30pm. While climbing out over Ontario VOR (now PDZ), I contacted Ontario Approach (now SoCal) for flight following, got a squawk, and was advised of radar contact, then settled in for the long flight. The frequency was quiet at that late hour, and I guessed the controller was bored. He must have looked up our flight plan, because the next thing I heard was:
Approach:
"Cessna 51139, are you an orange and white Cessna?"
N51139:
"That's affirmative for 51139."
Approach:
"Pretty good radar, isn't it?"
Greg
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