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I was flying an A-36 Bonanza through the SFO Class Bravo a few years ago and there was quite a bit of airline traffic departing at the time. ATC advised me of a Southwest 737 climbing out at my 1 o'clock and I let them know I had it in sight...They then spoke to the Southwest Flight "Southwest 9999 traffic 3 o'clock 2 miles, a Bonanza level 4 thousand" ... Southwest: "Southwest 9999, we're looking" A few seconds later, "Southwest 9999, Tally-ho, we've got the doctor in sight" .... I guess nowadays the "doctor" would be in a Cirrus - Colin Smith More

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Overheard while flying through the New York Class B airspace: ... Pilot: Departure ABC 795 off 14L climbing to 5000'. ... Controller: Is this 725 or 795? ... Pilot: What did I say? ... Controller: 795. ... Pilot: Oh sorry, I guess this is 725. ... Controller: Don't worry about it, I mix up call signs all day. ... Pilot: Yeah, but I only have one call sign to screw up. -- Ed Abrams More

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We were inbound to Auckland after a long 12-hour Pacific sector through the night. It was around 5:00am, and there were four other wide-body inbounds (787s, 767s, and 777s) arriving about the same time. Auckland Control was doing a no-nonsense job, without any chit-chat, when the terminal information changed due to a pressure difference (hectopascals down here, not inches). ... She read it out as: "All stations inbound Auckland, new information: Charlie, QNH niner, niner, niner. And nobody better say 'Batman.'" ... The four of us sat there on our flight deck for what seemed like ages, all thinking: "What? 'Batman'?" ... when one of the second officers suddenly called out: "Oh! Niner, niner, niner, niner Batman!" ... We all laughed so loud the cabin crew said they heard us down the back! ... No one said "Batman" on the radio, either. -- Callum T More

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This dates back many years, to March 1989. I was transporting a heart for transplant, together with a doctor and nurse, from the southwest of England to Papworth Hospital near Cambridge. Because it was the middle of the night, the only open runway nearby was a USAF Alconbury. ... As I approached, I was asked a question which is commonplace in the States, but not used at all over here: "How many souls on board?" ... I could only answer: "That is a very tricky question, which philosophers have struggled with for centuries." -- Timothy Nathan More

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I was tuned to Indy Center yesterday and heard this exchange with a plane on flight following. ... Indy Center: "Cessna 12345, contact Indy Center on 124.62." ... Cessna 12345: "Can I have something that doesn't end in a '2' or a '7'?" ... Indy Center: "What was that request?" ... Cessna 12345: "Can I have a frequency doesn't end in a '2' or a '7'? My radio can only tune to frequencies that end in a '5' or a '0.'" ... [After a pause.] ... Indy Center: "Cessna 12345, we've got nothing for you. Radar Services terminated. Squawk VFR. Frequency change approved." ... Remember: You have to "pull" out the small knob on some older radios to tune in ".25" or ".75." -- Evan Jones More

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On a flight from Panama City, Florida to Asheville, North Carolina, I heard ATC asking another aircraft if his transponder was on to which the reply was: "We're putting quarters in the slot now." -- Ray Mansfield More

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Many years ago, as a student pilot sitting on the ramp at Kansas City Downtown Airport, I was in the plane with my instructor listing to "information whiskey" on the ATIS recording when we heard a high-pitched squeal followed by laughter on the tape. ... My instructor turned to me and said: "Sounds like there's a little too much whiskey in the tower." ... The we contacted ground control for more sober taxi instructions. -- John Morris More

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Recently, on flight following above Santa Barbara on a beautifully clear afternoon, approach was uncomfortably quiet. After several minutes of silence I called: ... Mooney 1234: "Approach, Mooney 1234. Is there anybody there to talk to?" ... Approach: "Mooney 1234, say request." ... Mooney 1234: "Just checking to see if it really is this quiet." ... Approach: "Yes, it really is." ... [Pause.] ... Approach: "Mooney 1234, contact L.A. Center on 135.5. You'll find somebody to talk to there." ... I took the hint. ... Mooney 1234: "135.5. Thanks." -- Ron Shave More

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An airline en route to [airport redacted] asked ATC if the had any smooth rides. ... Controller: "You won't find a smooth ride until you taxi into the gate." ... Pilot: "You haven't been [airport redacted] lately. The taxiways are just as bad as this ride!" -- Kirk Johnson More

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While landing in BOI last week, we overheard this great question from a pilot: ... Tower: "Cessna 123, turn left, heading 210, runway 28L; cleared for takeoff." ... Cessna: "Cleared for takeoff, Cessna 123." ... Tower: "Cessna 123, also: Turn left, heading 210." ... Cessna: "You want that after we takeoff, right?" ... Tower: "Yes, that would be best." ... I could barely read back our taxi-off clearance. We and tower were laughing too hard. -- Jay G. More