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I was holding short of runway 9L waiting for an arriving jet to clear the runway. As he was clearing, he asked, "What's ground control?" ... The tower answered, "They are the people you talk to when you want to drive around on the airport. [slight pause] I always wanted to say that!" ... The jet pilot replied, "You just made my day!" -- Jim Speidel, via e-mail More

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Recently, an airliner checked in with Boston Center at FL340. ... Pilot: "Boston Center, good morning. Airliner 123 at FL340. Light chop." ... ATC: "Airliner 123, good morning. That light chop has been there for the last 29 years." -- Luigie Martinez, via e-mail More

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I was picking up my Cherokee 160 at the Charlotte County (Florida) airport after IFR/weight-and-balance certifications. As I was preparing to taxi out, I heard another pilot report there was a turtle that was "taxiing" toward runway 22. Not too long after this report, I heard yet another taxiing pilot ask the question, "What type of airplane is he in?" I never did hear the turtle report any of it's five Ws! -- Arthur L. Hewitt, via e-mail More

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Back near Christmas of 1979, I was on my first solo ferry flight to Europe in a Cessna 206. I was filed from Bangor, Maine, direct to Shannon, Ireland, to negate the need for the required inspection in Moncton for single-engine crossings. ... I passed a position report mid-Atlantic through a passing airliner on 121.5. After I finished the report, he came back and asked me what I was flying at 9,000 feet. ... I said, "A 206." ... There was a pause, and then he asked, "A Cessna 206?" ... I said, "Yes," and there was a longer pause. ... Then he came back with his best "captain" voice and said, "Don't you know it's a four-engine ocean, kid?" ... I ferried aircraft for ten years after that, which was a great way to travel but didn't pay much and kept trying to kill me. I finally got a job flying night freight in FedEx Caravans, which I've been happily doing for almost 25 years. -- Greg Cotton, via e-mail More

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When approaching (and departing) an airport, I turn on my strobes and landing light to be more easily seen by others. Several weeks ago, I was about five miles south of the field when a Bonanza pilot came on CTAS to announce his take-off and departure. ... Bonanza: "Bonanza 12345 taking runway 30 for take-off with a south departure." ... Cessna (me): "Cessna 12345 is five miles south at 2,000 feet and landing 30." ... Bonanza: "O.K. I'm looking but don't see you." ... Me: "You should see me in a second. I'm lit up." ... Bonanza (after a pause): "I hope you're talking about your airplane and not you." -- Bruce Anthony, via e-mail More

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Over the North Pacific in the middle of the night, we were catching up to a slower aircraft below us as we were coming up to a position-report waypoint. We listened out on the HF, and it was a MAC flight. He was obviously listening out as we gave our position report, and, shortly after, he came up on the air-to-air frequency. ... He asked: "Hey, what kind of an aircraft do you have with such a small amount of fuel?" ... We replied: "It's an A340 metric airplane, and the fuel is in kilograms." ... He said: "Oh. Now that makes sense." -- David Lamb, via e-mail More

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Years ago, working in the Delta radio shop, I had a VHF receiver tuned to an ATL tower frequency. Tower had an Eastern DC-9 go around twice. The second time, the DC-9 responded: "We can do this all afternoon if you like, but in a little while we are going to have to land and refuel." -- Lewis Linson, via e-mail More

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On a recent flight north of Florida, a Pilatus checked in with Jacksonville Centre: ... Pilatus: "Jack Centre, Pilatus N1234. FL 250, smooth ride, outside air temp -24 degrees Celsius." ... Jacksonville Centre: "Pilatus N1234, Jacksonville Centre. Roger. Recommend not rolling down your windows." ... Pilatus (after a short pause): "Say again for N1234." ... Centre: "It was an attempt at a joke." -- Alan Plaunt, via e-mail More

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An Air New Zealand DC-10 en route from Auckland to Honolulu was about to pass the southbound company flight in the early morning hours, and its crew was chatting with another flight on the inter-plane frequency. In short order, a Qantas aircraft joined the conversation. A bit later, a USAF MAC aircraft called in as the fourth. ... MAC: "Aahh, say, New Zeland 6: What type of aircraft are you?" ... NZ6 First Officer: "Stand by. I'll ask the flight engineer." ... [After a suitable pause.] ... "Aahh, DC-10" ... Deafening silence from the MAC. -- Gary Wright, via e-mail More

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Two airplanes took off from the same controlled airport right after each other -- one a Cessna 172, the other a Cessna 182. The first off was the Cessna 172 Skyhawk, followed a minute or so later by his buddy in the Cessna 182. Both were headed for the same destination airport. Just before the 182 left controlled air space, the tower controller asked the 182 driver if he had the Skyhawk at 12 o'clock one mile out. The 182 reported, "Looking. No contact yet." The 172 driver chimed in on the conversation and said, "Not to worry. I owe him money. He won't hit me!" True story. Towered airport was El Monte (KEMT); destination for both airplanes was Cable Airport (KCCB) in Upland, California. -- Doug Latch, via e-mail More