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On a particularly stormy day in the Green Mountains of Vermont, I heard the following exchange between a flight on approach to BTV (Burlington, Vermont) and approach control. ... BTV approach: "NXXXAJ, how was the ride down?" ... NXXXAJ: "Rougher than a stucco bathtub." -- Andrew Walker More

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NY Center: "Jetsetter 123, got time for a quick question?" ... JS123: "Sure." ... NYC: "What's the service ceiling on that bird?" ... JS123: "FL 510." ... [A moment of silence followed.] ... Then someone asked: "Does that thing come with astronaut wings?" ... XY456: "Hey Center, what type of aircraft were you talking to?" ... NYC: "He's a G6." ... Some other regional jet driver then chimed in: "Man, I can't even afford a Pontiac G6." ... NYC had to apologize to Air Canada: "Sorry, guys. I was laughing so hard I missed you checking in." -- Jeremy King More

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40+ years ago, on a busy busy day in the Schenectady County Airport traffic pattern. An older WWII-era pilot owned a Stinson L5 that he used for a little instructing and light aerobatics. In the pattern on downwind, this exchange occurred. ... Tower: "Stinson N1234, do a 360 for spacing." ... N1234: "Vertical or horizontal?" -- Mark Wielt More

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A controller on an adjacent position had a VFR pop-up looking for advisories. Due to a familiar sounding call sign, he asked if the aircraft was a Skymaster, obviously thinking it was a Cessna 337. The pilot replied: "Heck, no. I'm a solo student." -- Derek Crane & Tim Shea More

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While flying from Henderson, Nevada to Ontario, California, I was receiving flight following from L.A. Center. In the middle of the desert, just southwest of Primm, Nevada, I heard a pilot initiate a call to Center with, "Excuse Me ... ." My ears perked up. The conversation was as follows: ... Pilot: "Excuse Me. Can you tell me why there are lighthouses in the middle of the desert?" ... Center: "Was that NXXXXX calling L.A. Center?" ... Pilot: "Yes, sir." ... Center: "Those are not lighthouses. They are solar electric plants. Consider yourself enlightened." -- Bob Hoffman More

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Back in the '60s, at TEB, a student on a cross-country got lost over eastern Pennsylvania and managed to come up on a New York Center frequency asking for help. When the controller asked for the pilot's name, he responded: "There is no pilot just me: Carlos." -- Ron Krantz More

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Heard over tower frequency at our local airport recently. Left me crying and difficult to talk on radio. ... Unknown aircraft: "Err Tower altimeter?" ... Tower: "Go ahead, Altimeter." -- Bob More

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I was recently flying my Mooney into an airport in Colorado. ... Listening on the CTAF, I heard a Citation X announce: "Citation N1234 about 15 miles west, landing." ... Trying to be accommodating, I replied: "Citation, Mooney is about five miles out, but I'll go to the VOR, then return and follow you. You're burning a lot more fuel than I am." ... Just after that, a voice came on the radio saying: "Mooney, don't do that. Make HIM go to the VOR. I'm selling fuel here at the FBO." -- M. Dymond More

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This past week I watched the Wings Over Wine Country Air Show practice from my hangar at KSTS. I was listening to the tower on my handheld. While I was listening, three different pilots wandered into the TFR, causing the rehearsals to be delayed. The fourth time it happened was when the Canadian Snowbirds had just started their routine. The tower notified them they would have to stop until the offender left the zone. ... One of the Snowbirds then asked the tower: "What's with all these pilots busting the TFR?" ... The tower responded: "Welcome to Sonoma County. They drive like that, too." -- Scott Peterson More

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Call came in for a fuel order: "Can you send the fuel truck for ship 1 and ship 2?" ... The reply came back: "I am sorry sir we don"t do boats." -- Basilio More