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Navy basic training: A normally outstanding student was having a bad day. Keying the intercom by mistake, he said, "Sorry, sir, I am all #$@*^! up." An immediate reply came back: "Station using profanity, please identify yourself!" The instructor instantaneously answered, "He may be #$@*^! up, but not that #$@*^! up!" Charles Thom via e-mail More

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While listening to the approach frequency to LAX (Runway 25L), I heard an airliner report a party balloon at 600 feet during his approach on the ILS. The tower proceeded to report the balloon to the aircraft following. While doing so (and clearing another airliner to land), this communication took place: Airliner: "Los Angeles Tower, Airliner 123 at LIMMA for 25L." Tower: "Airliner 123, Los Angeles Tower. Caution: wake turbulence; following a heavy 757 on short final. Aircraft reported a party balloon at 600 feet." Airliner "A what at 600 feet?" Tower: "A party balloon." Airliner: "O.K. W'ell be ready to party at 600 feet. Airliner 123." Efrain Gonzalez via e-mail More

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Due to firefighting activity, our small airport became a heli-base, and we had a temporary FAA tower. I briefed a recently soloed student who had never been out of the area or to a towered airport on procedures. Of course, one point was quickly forgotten and/or possibly overlooked. Cessna 123: "Scott Valley Tower, 123 requesting back taxi to runway 16 run-up area." Tower: "123, you are cleared as requested." As he was doing his run-up ... Tower: "Cessna 123, hold short for landing traffic and read back 'hold short' instructions." Cessna 123: [Of course he didn't read back.] Tower: "123, hold short landing traffic." Cessna 123: [Again, no reply.] Tower: "123, acknowledge and read back 'hold short' instructions." Cessna 123: [Still no reply.] Tower: "Cessna 123, do you read Scott Valley Tower?" Cessna 123: "Yes, sir, and I'm holding for you to read back instructions!" Kevin Martin via e-mail More

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On some air bases, the military uses one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side, with the tower in the middle serving both. One day, at one of these fields, a call from an aircraft called in asking, "Hey, Tower, what time is it?" The tower answered, "Who is calling?" The aircraft answered, "What difference does it make?" The tower responded with, "It makes a lot of difference. If you are a civilian aircraft, it's three o'clock; if you're an Army aircraft, it's 1500 hours; if you're a Navy aircraft, it's 3 bells; if you're an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on 12 and the little hand is on 3; and if you're a Marine aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes 'til Happy Hour." John Yates via e-mail More

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This happened some years ago when I was wrenching as an A&P tech at the old TallMantz aviation hangar at John Wayne Orange County Airport in Southern California. The airport is a very busy airport with a tight mix of air carrier and recreational aircraft, causing occasional high stress moments for all. Radio traffic can be fun to listen to when it gets busy and tight. An American 757 was on short final to 19R when sequencing got a little crossed up, and a light twin pulled out on the runway to begin its take-off roll. The female tower controller issued a go-around command, and assertive she was. Tower (very clearly) : "American XXX, go around, go around." American XXX (clearly irritated) : "We seem to run into this at this airport often. Do you realize this costs over 3,000 dollars every time it happens?" Tower (without emotion or hesitation) : "Roger, American XXX, that will be a 3,000-dollar go-around, sir." American XXX: "..." [silence] A ramp up of turbofan power could be heard in the distance as the aircraft began to climb. I thought, "Wow, she's awesome!" with a chuckle. Robert Reed via e-mail More

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Many years ago, as a USAF C-141A/B flight engineer, I was a crew member on a routine supply mission from McGuire Air Force Base (New Jersey) to Thule, Greenland. Oh-dark-thirty take-off. The AC (aircraft commander), Capt. Julie Sangiorgio -- great pilot. We had just been handed off to Moncton Center, from Boston Center, I believe. Julie was the PNF (pilot not flying) and was working all the radio calls. She reported in to Moncton. The controller said there was confusion on our next waypoint. She replied, "Mount Jolly next" in plain English. The controller rogered that but said the correct pronunciation was "Mon Jolie." Capt. Sangiorgio, who spoke four languages, came back in her best French and said something that I didn't undertand. The Moncton Controller replied, "That's great, MAC XXX, but no one on this shift speaks French. To that, Capt Sangiorgio replied, "Moncton, in that case, I guess it's Mount Jolly." Chuck Holzer via e-mail More

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Between Houston and Austin on December 18, 2012, I overheard the following breif conversation between Houston Center and another aircraft: Aircraft: "Houston Center, can you give me a current altimeter setting?" Center: "At your altitude, it is 29.92." Aircraft: "Uhhhh -- yeah." [A brief pause.] Aircraft: "Guess I will see that one in the back of IFR magazine next month." Larry Frasier via e-mail More

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A double-dose of holiday merriment to celebrate the season. As a retired NWA/Rep/NCA pilot, I spent a lot of time in and out of ORD. One time, leaving the gate for departure, we heard ground control say to us: "Via the outer and over the bridge, to 32 rt you go." Very melodic for the season. John Clark via e-mail In the early 1970s, just before Christmas: Landing at Burbank, California, the ATIS was: "Information Raindeer" When we departed a short time later, it was: "Information Santa Clause" On Christmas Day a few days later, Van Nuys ATIS: "Advise Van Nuys Ground or Tower on initial contact that you are having a merry Christmas." Terry Lankford via e-mail More

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This happened about 40 years ago. We had just had a snow storm at the airport I worked at, which was serviced by a commuter airline flying Twin Otters. It was near Christmas, and as the plane took the runway, the pilot announced over the unicom: "Air North flight XXX is dashing through the snow, runway 23." Denis Arquette via e-mail More

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Heard at Orlando Executive: Tower: "Ercoupe 1234, we have a blimp landing to the right of runway 7. Reduce speed." Ercoupe: "1234 reducing speed." Tower: "1234, make a half-'S' turn to the left." Ercoupe: "1234 making a half-assed turn to the left." Robert C. Abbaticchio via e-mail More