More Actual Transmissions by O'Hare TRACON

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More ATC humor from The NATCA Voice, the newsletter of the National Air Traffic Controllers Association.

  • "Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?"
    "N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here."

  • "American Two-Twenty, Eneey, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio?"

  • "Air Wisconsin Three-Thirty-Five, caution wake turbulence, there is an Air Wisconsin Three-Forty-Five on the frequency."

  • "I don't mind altitude separation as long as they're not on top of each other."

  • "We were told Rwy 9...we'll take out the 14R approach plate."
    "Captain you got sixty miles to take it out...have a ball."

  • "The traffic at nine o'clock's gonna do a little Linda Ronstadt on you."
    "Linda Ronstadt? What's that?"
    "Well, sir, they're gonna 'Blue Bayou'."

  • "I can see the country club down below...look's like a lot of controllers out there!"
    "Yes, sir, there is...and they're caddying for DC-10 drivers like you."

  • "N07K you look like you're established on the localizer and I don't know the names of any of the fixes, you're cleared for the ILS approach. Call the tower."

  • "AmTran 726, sorry about that, Center thought you were a Midway arrival. Just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies...we'll get you to Milwaukee."

  • "Approach, what's our sequence?"
    "Calling for the sequence I missed your callsign, but if I find out what it is, you're last."

  • "Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy...there'll be a United tri-jet between you and him."

  • "Approach, SWA436, you want us to turn right to 090?"
    "No, I want your brother to turn. Just do it and don't argue."

  • "Approach UAL525 what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?"
    "UAL525, what makes you think it's YOUR altitude, Captain?"

  • "DAL1176, say speed."
    "DAL1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty."
    "DAL1176 pick it back up to two-fifty...this ain't Atlanta, and them ain't grits on the ground."

  • "Request Runway 27 Right."
    "Unable."
    "Approach, do you know the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty?"
    "Yeah, I do, and if we could jack the airport up to fifty-five hundred you could have that runway. Expect 14 Right."

  • "Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."

  • "The first officer says he's got you in sight."
    "Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27 Right...you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand."

  • "Hey, O'Hare, you see the 7600 code flashing five northwest of Gary?"
    "Yeah, I do...you guys talkin' to him?"

  • "Approach, what's the tower?"
    "That's a big tall building with glass all around it, but that's not important right now."

  • "How far behind traffic are we?"
    "Three miles."
    "That doesn't look like three miles to us!"
    "You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles."