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ATC: Squawk 0007 maintain 4500 direct to XXXX … Me: Maintain 4500 direct XXXX, squawk licensed to kill … ATC: only if your name is Bond, James Bond … Me: Since my name is Dave I guess I will just squawk 0007 … Dave Gagliardi More

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Heard on Denver departure … XXXX: "Just off Centennial” … Center: "Squawk 6666” … Center: "Umm, do you want another? We could give you a different one.” … Silence … XXXX: No, it's okay, we'll keep that one.” … John C. Lamb More

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Flying back from St. Augustine Fl (SGJ) to Stennis International (KHSA) just before Christmas, my destination was very low IFR. The whole region and surrounding airports were either very low IFR or Zero Zero. Planes were going missed at Gulfport (KGPT) and surrounding airports and tensions were high with the controllers. I was cleared for the ILS 18 into Stennis … Tower: “…and I can’t see you” … Comanche XXX “I can’t see you either!” … We both laughed and it changed his stressed tone, and I did make the landing … Charlie Horton More

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Pilots tuning into the ATIS at Raleigh-Durham International Airport on Saturday got a laundry list of closed taxiways, a bird advisory, and an apology … ATIS: We apologize for any delay you might have today. Due to our elected leaders’ inability to for effectively run (the) government, staffing is short. So sorry. Dilly Dilly … Todd Huvard More

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On Aug 22nd, 2017 while flying near Myrtle Beach, to Triple Tree Aerodrome, SC to watch the total solar eclipse, there was the following exchange … Experimental: Florence Approach, Experimental NXXXX Request … Florence Approach: NXXXX go ahead … Experimental: N7XXXX requests vectors to where the sun doesn't shine … Florence Approach: Now that's funny … Martin Heller More

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It was one of those days where the winds were very gusty, and the pattern was just a mess at ILG (Wilmington, DE). It's a training site for controllers and downwinds were being extended by miles, clearances were changing, and everything was just a bit messy. Combined with the gusts, it wasn't a fun day … My goal was landing practice since I was new to the plane. After three unimpressive efforts I threw in the towel.I cleared the runway and the following exchange took place … Tower: Skyhawk 65R, are you going to do another? … Skyhawk 65R: No, I don't think so. Today's not my day … Tower: (Very loud audible laughter in background) Yeah, that's true for a lot of us today. Taxi via H, remain this frequency ... Joshua Zide More

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We flew a group of customers from North Carolina to Canada for a factory visit. This was a part 91 corporate trip, in a King Air 200. When we returned several days later, our Canadian airport had turned into the ice planet of Hoth: not just snow but ice everywhere. We got clearance to taxi from ground and I was barely moving trying to steer with just differential thrust. An airport vehicle called for clearance to move and he was told to hold for the King Air taxing out. The following exchange took place … Airport vehicle: "What King Air?” … Tower: "I don't see him. Oh wait, there he is. He is BARELY moving.” … Me, in my obviously Southern drawl: "Hey, we are doing the best we can!” … Tower: "Don't you have spikes on your tires?”… Me, in an even deeper Southern drawl: "Well we bought some chains, but nobody onboard knows how to put them on!” … Tower: "Sounds of multiple people laughing.” … Dan Moore More

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I had just departed a famous airport and proceeded on course … Tower:  Cessna XYZ, what is your heading? … Cessna XYZ:  XYZ heading Southwest … Tower:  Cessna XYZ, what is your heading … Cessna XYZ:  XYZ heading Southwest … Tower (agitated):  Cessna XYZ, I need to know your heading … Cessna XYZ:  XYZ heading Southwest … Tower (very agitated):  Cessna XYZ, fly heading 225 degrees ... Joe Serdynski More

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Heard at ILG (Wilmington, DE)on a Sunday. ILG is a training site for ATC, and also has very, very patient controllers … Tower: Cherokee XYZ, let me explain how we do things. When I give you a clearance, you need to read it back so I know you understood … Cherokee XYZ: OK, I understand … Tower: OK, but you haven't read back the clearance … Cherokee XYZ: Oh, I'm sorry … Tower: No need to apologize, but I need you to read back Cherokee XYZ cleared touch and go, Runway niner … Cherokee XYZ: Oh, I understand. I'm cleared … Tower: I don't think you're understanding. When I clear you, I need you to read this back: "Cherokee XYZ is cleared touch and go, Runway niner.” … Cherokee XYZ: OK, got it … Tower: You haven't read it back, though!! … Please read back … Cherokee XYZ: Cherokee XYZ cleared to land, Runway niner … Tower: If you want to do a full stop, I can clear that instead of a touch and go … Cherokee XYZ: I'd prefer to do a touch and go, though … Tower: OK, then you need to read back clearance for a touch and go. Let's try this one more time: Cherokee XYZ cleared touch and go, Runway niner … Cherokee XYZ: Cherokee XYZ, cleared touch and go, Runway niner … Tower: Excellent! That was perfect … I had to stop laughing before reporting in. More

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I was in that stage of my instrument training where I was struggling to keep the shiny side up while monitoring radios, tuning NAV aids, and looking at approach charts.  My instructor and I were shooting a Localizer approach to 17R at David Wayne Hooks airport in Houston.  It was during the winter and already dark.  Thankfully, there wasn't much happening on the control tower frequency … Me: Hooks tower, Cessna 31C is 10 miles north for a practice Localizer 17R approach … Tower: Roger 31C, report passing Flika … I was overloaded; trimming for the descent, trying to keep the little line centered, watching my altitude, and everything else that was new to me and I blew right through the intersection. Hooks has radar so the tower controller knew where I was … Tower: 31C, have you passed Flika? … Me: Sorry, yes.  Now 4 DME … Tower: 31C, in that case, disregard passing Flika.  Cleared to land 17R or for the option … To his credit, there wasn't a hint of frustration or sarcasm in his voice.  I called him later to thank him for his graciousness to a fledgling IFR student. More