Short Final

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A foreign student turning off after landing at a strange airport … Tower: What are your intentions? … Student: Returning to China as soon as possible!… Robert Reser More

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Heard over Joshua Approach in the Southern California Mojave desert … "All aircraft on frequency, turn right five degrees.” … After a moment's pause. … "All aircraft on frequency, return to previous heading. I am now retired. So long” … Stephen Hackney More

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Last month, on a calm day, we were number two for takeoff on 27R in ATL. Delta was holding short number one … Delta: Delta 123 requests wind check … Tower: No answer … Delta: Delta 123 requests wind check. … After a few seconds Delta cleared line up and wait … Delta: Delta 123 wants a wind check … Tower (slowly with emphasis): Delta 123 wind is 250 at 2 gusting to 3! More

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While flying in NY air space heard this controller … Controller: Piper turn right 20 degrees … No response …Controller:  Piper turn right 20 degrees … Still no response (must have seen Piper turn on screen) … Controller: Piper instead of nodding your head, key your mic and answer me!!! … Alan Kane More

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Holding at the holding point Nelson, New Zealand, we were waiting for the cabin to be cleared before calling ready … Tower: Link XXX, are you ready? … Link XXX: “Just waiting on the cabin … Tower: It's right behind you ... Justin Zangerl ? More

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Heard at JFK one summer day after a very long ground roll and subsequent lift-off by a British Airways 747…Tower: “Speedbird XXX noise violation.” … Speedbird XXX:"Send it to the ()(*&^% Queen.” Real story. More

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Heard recently one morning on JFK tower frequency … JetBlue: Tower, is our speed compatible with the aircraft ahead of us? … Tower:  As long as you don't go to warp factor 6, you should be fine ... Marty Twersky More

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I was at HEF and heard this on ground frequency ... RJXXX: HEF Ground, we're at APP FBO ready to taxi with ECHO, ECHo, ECho, Echo, echo, ec .... More

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Back before Houston's Hobby airport was given a Class B veil, I had my single engine Beechcraft based there. It was a busy mix of private planes and Southwest Airlines jets. One afternoon, as I was returning to the airport, I was directed to overfly the field and turn final to runway 17. At Hobby, runways 17 and 13 join at the northwest corner, so an aircraft could use either one from the starting point. As I crossed over, I heard the following communications between the control tower and a Piper twin obviously unfamiliar with the airport … Tower: Piper 123, cleared for takeoff runway 17, right turn out approved … The Piper acknowledged the clearance but started toward runway 13 instead … Tower (seeing the mistake): Piper 123, you were cleared to 17, but you are using 13. (brief pause) But, that's okay, continue on 13 … The pause was just long enough for the Piper to make a hard right turn toward 17 before hearing the revised clearance … Tower: Piper 123, okay, now you are using 17. Go ahead and continue … Too late, the Piper swung into a left turn back to 13 … Tower: Ah, Piper 123 now you are back to 13, okay, cleared for takeoff … Again, the confused Piper swung back toward 17 … Tower (in exasperation): Uh sir, Piper 123, pick a runway, either runway and just take off! More

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Anchorage Approach: Skylane X, traffic four miles at your one o' clock, type and altitude unknown.  Possibly birds … Skylane: We have the birds in sight … Approach: Say type and altitude … Skylane: They're ducks at 4300 feet, westbound … Don't get to give a PIREP on ducks every day! More