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Heard recently one morning on JFK tower frequency … JetBlue: Tower, is our speed compatible with the aircraft ahead of us? … Tower:  As long as you don't go to warp factor 6, you should be fine ... Marty Twersky More

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I was at HEF and heard this on ground frequency ... RJXXX: HEF Ground, we're at APP FBO ready to taxi with ECHO, ECHo, ECho, Echo, echo, ec .... More

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Back before Houston's Hobby airport was given a Class B veil, I had my single engine Beechcraft based there. It was a busy mix of private planes and Southwest Airlines jets. One afternoon, as I was returning to the airport, I was directed to overfly the field and turn final to runway 17. At Hobby, runways 17 and 13 join at the northwest corner, so an aircraft could use either one from the starting point. As I crossed over, I heard the following communications between the control tower and a Piper twin obviously unfamiliar with the airport … Tower: Piper 123, cleared for takeoff runway 17, right turn out approved … The Piper acknowledged the clearance but started toward runway 13 instead … Tower (seeing the mistake): Piper 123, you were cleared to 17, but you are using 13. (brief pause) But, that's okay, continue on 13 … The pause was just long enough for the Piper to make a hard right turn toward 17 before hearing the revised clearance … Tower: Piper 123, okay, now you are using 17. Go ahead and continue … Too late, the Piper swung into a left turn back to 13 … Tower: Ah, Piper 123 now you are back to 13, okay, cleared for takeoff … Again, the confused Piper swung back toward 17 … Tower (in exasperation): Uh sir, Piper 123, pick a runway, either runway and just take off! More

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Anchorage Approach: Skylane X, traffic four miles at your one o' clock, type and altitude unknown.  Possibly birds … Skylane: We have the birds in sight … Approach: Say type and altitude … Skylane: They're ducks at 4300 feet, westbound … Don't get to give a PIREP on ducks every day! More

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About 25 years ago I was hauling cargo in a beat-up C210 at dusk near PFN, FL, and overheard the following … ATC:  "Comair 1234, Nat'l Wx Service just advised us they have recently released a balloon in your area and they say it should be approx your altitude, and it's pretty large.” … Pause of a few seconds … Comair:  "How large?!” … Pause of several more seconds … ATC: "He says about the size of a house.” … Pause of a few seconds … Comair:  "Would that be my house or your house?" More

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Some years ago I was flying into a very congested London Heathrow Airport when I heard the following exchange withHeathrow Approach ... Heathrow: ”Speedbird 123, what is your position in the hold at Lambourne?" ... Speedbird:  "We are just turning outbound at flight level 200." ... Heathrow:  "Roger, Speedbird, could you possibly cross Lambourne inbound at 3000 feet?" ... Speedbird:  "Roger, I could probably make that, but I doubt if I could take my aircraft with me." ... John Marshall More

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I heard this on my scanner and almost fell out of my chair ... Jet Blue: ”Jet Blue 123 climbing to eight thousand" ... No response ... Jet Blue: ”Jet Blue 123 how do you hear? ... Bradley Approach: ”With my ears: turn left direct Norwich VOR" .... Stephen Fogarty More

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On a routine day of bad weather flying we overheard center calling ... ATC: "Cargo 244 Heavy descend to one seven thousand and hurry through flight level one nine zero." ... Heavy: " Roger, descend to one seven thousand and what rate would you like?" ... ATC:"HURRY" ... Heavy: "Were hurrying!, Cargo 244!" More

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During a VFR approach in a busy airport in devoutly Catholic Colombia, a student pilot was given landing clearance. It seemed she didn't understand the controller ... Student: "Could you please confirm?” ... Tower: ”Sure: I confirm you in the name of the Father, in the name of the Son..." ... Of course the controller gave her the right instructions afterwards! Of course the controller gave her the right instructions afterwards! Juan Velasquez More

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Regional Approach: Citation 123, please give a cloud description on your descent ...Citation 123: They're white ... Regional Approach: ... Citation 123: Just kidding. Tops were jagged 5,000 down to 4,500 ... Regional Approach: I literally had nothing to say to that. More