Friday Foibles: Back To (Stupid) Basics

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Pilots still can’t land in crosswinds. These accidents are euphemistically labeled “loss of directional control,” or “pilot can’t land worth a hoot.” Rebuild shops stay busy replacing gear legs and props from everyday (every stinkin’ day) bad landings that usually don’t cause bodily harm.

Tailwheel pilots are always aggressive on the brakes resulting in numerous prop-curling nose-overs. I’ve personally experienced the glory of flying a 70-year-old Aeronca from a hay field, but one Tennessee accident reminds us that it might be wise to make sure the hay bales have been removed. The Aeronca pilot was cautiously watching a bale on his left but missed his wing approaching a bale on his right. Substantial damage resulted. To the Aeronca, that is, not so much to the hay bales.

Scores of pilots recognized that an approach—or departure—was trending sour but delayed the curative go-around or abort, only to encounter the trees, fences and subdivisions located at runways’ ends. A great many loss-of-directional-control events terminated in nearby ditches, which makes one wonder: Why are runways always built beside ditches?

A Lear 60 crew attempted to taxi from a poorly lit ramp in Indiana when their nosewheel dropped off the pavement. Undeterred, the crew shifted into four-wheel-drive and crossed a grassy knoll toward the taxiway. Anyhow, they tried, until the jet struck a drainage ditch, thoroughly trashing the delta fins beneath its fuselage. Moral: The four-wheel-drive mode in a Lear 60 sucks.

Ag pilots stayed busy in 2011, but such high-stress flying down low resulted in a string of ag-craft clipping power poles, cell towers, the very crops they were treating and, in California, one ag pilot bagged a propane truck and lived to tell the FAA about it.

Speaking of propane, hot air balloons—you know those over-heated gas bags not on AM radio—tangled themselves in treetops, power lines and just about any obstacle available, ejecting passengers like apples from the basket short of the intended landing site. They’re quite popular in June for weddings and graduations, so book early.

Hand-propping is routinely done safely to start antique airplanes. An Arizona pilot even successfully prop-started a Piper Arrow, only to watch it taxi away and drop like Wiley Coyote over a cliff.

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