Actual Transmissions by O'Hare TRACON
A little ATC humor from The NATCA Voice, the newsletter of the National Air Traffic Controllers Association.
"Expect lower at the end of this transmission."
"Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I'll quit calling you twin Cessna."
"About three miles ahead, you've got traffic 12 o'clock, five miles."
"If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor."
"You got him on TCAS? Great. When you're seven in trail, resume normal speed and call Chicago Center on 120.12."
"I am way too busy for anybody to cancel on me."
"You got any more smart remarks, we can be doing this over South Bend...go ahead."
"You're gonna have to key the mic. I can't see you when you nod your head."
"It's too late for Louisville. We're going back to O'Hare."
"Put your compass on 'E' and get out of my airspace."
"Don't anybody maintain anything."
"Caution wake turbulence, you're following a heavy 12 o'clock, three...no, lets make it five miles."
"Climb like your life depends on it...because it does."
"If you want more room, captain, push your seat back."
"For radar identification, throw your jumpseat rider out the window."
"Air Force One, I told you to expedite!"
"Listen up, gentlemen, or something's gonna happen that none of us wants to see.
"Leave five on the glide, have a nice ride, tower inside, twenty-six nine...see ya."
"Japan Air Ten Heavy, how about a radio check?" (Response: "Royah, switching!")