FAs to Pax: Put That Phone Away!
Just as downtrodden passengers were getting used to pacifying themselves with smartphones, the flight attendants union is suing to put a stop to it. (At least for takeoff and landing.)
It's not enough that the airlines want to reduce the distance between seats to the width of a human hair, now the flight attendants want to take away our phones again. It's been barely a year since the airlines and the FAA relented, tossing the downtrodden traveling masses the leanest bone of being able to play some music or an app game during the flight.
This week, the Association of Flight Attendants-CWA revealed that it's suing the FAA, claiming the agency violated its own safety rules when it allowed airlines to approve the use of personal electronic devices throughout the length of the flight, not just above 10,000 feet as had been the case for many years. The AFA argues that the FAA's action violates the FAR that requires stowage of all items during takeoffs and landings, but the agency countered that this rule doesn't apply to small devices. The union says smartphone and tablet usage is distracting people from listening to cabin briefings and the devices could become projectiles during a crash. Both of those claims are probably true, but…so what?
Maybe there's some potential herd immunity if everyone is forced to listen to the cabin briefing but with the occasional exception of Southwest Airlines, the things are so damn boring, how many people actually do? What's next, ban newspaper reading? What about the airline's own house organ stuck there in the seat pocket? Is it in danger of becoming an attractive nuisance and thus the seed for the next lawsuit? Could we find a passenger who doesn't know how to fasten a seatbelt and if so, would that passenger even be smart enough to be trained?
I'll concede the projectile claim has merit, but the likelihood of it happening on takeoff or landing is infinitesimally small because high impact airline landing and takeoff accidents are infinitesimally rare. The risk of much larger laptops careening around during cruise-phase turbulence is far greater, but we allow that with no untoward results or at least acceptable risks. One of the union lawyers argued that small electronic devices could impede passengers from exiting in an emergency, reports TheWall Street Journal. Oh, c'mon. Can anyone seriously believe an iPad will keep an adrenaline-pumped passenger from finding the emergency exit? Well, maybe if he's just so riveted by an engrossing game of Sudoku he fails to notice that his pants are on fire.
One of the many things that coarsen the rhythm of polite society is our collective tendency to be joined at the hip to our smartphones. They can be an annoying, demanding and ever-present nuisance that sometimes intrudes on even simple things, like a quiet conservation. But they are also woven into the fabric of modern life and some people need them like addicts need crack. That's just the way it works. Asking someone if it would kill them to put away the stupid phone is likely to yield a response, "yeah it would, what of it?"
Being basically a cynical, suspicious person, I wonder if there's something else beneath the surface motivating this effort. Perhaps someone could enlighten me. Or could it be that the FAs-perhaps fairly-see this as a survival issue and want to avoid be pummeled by a wave of PEDs if the airplane actually does crash on takeoff? If so, I hardly think the risk deserves a suit. Might be cheaper for the union to just buy them helmets.
Might I suggest that the FAs merely add a line to their cabin briefing-you know, the one no one is listening to anyway. Have the pax stick the phones in the seat pocket as a courtesy. Listening to music or an audio book is one the few simple pleasures left for beleaguered passengers strapped into steerage, provided they purchased enough extra seat space to allow finger movement.
And for the record, I rarely listen to the briefings. I've heard enough of them that I can recite them in my sleep. I do read the seatback card. Always. I like to know what kind of airplane I'm on since it's otherwise impossible to tell and where the closest exit is. I also habitually count the seat rows to the exit so I can find it in a smoky cabin. (Falling back on ancient training.)
Of course, it's probably futile. I'd never remember the row count after being clocked by someone's loose iPhone. If it dents my head, do I get to keep it?
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