Short Final

Short Final

Heard a few years ago whilst flying a 747 from LAX to LHR:

Salt Lake Center:
"Airline 123, you bound for Vegas?"

Airline 123:
"Yup."

Salt Lake Center:
"You a [DC-]10?"

Airline 123:
"Yup."

Salt Lake Center:
"Well, I guess your passengers need a 10 to take home their winnings?"

Airline 123:
"Nope! Our passengers can take home their winnings in a Cessna 152."

Alan Murgatroyd
via e-mail

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

Many years ago, in Calgary:

Snooty voice:
"Ah, tower, Air Canada Two Oh Four. This will be a fully automatic landing if you'd care to observe."

[later ...]

Imitative voice:
"Ah, tower, this is Canadian Six Seventy Five [rival]. This will be a fully manual landing, if you'd care to observe."

John Warner

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

Returning to Princeton, New Jersey in a Seminole, I was proudly clipping along at 140 knots and can only assume that my deep voice and professional-sounding tone led to us appearing to be more than we were:

Me:
"New York approach, Seminole Two Two Eight, 5000."

Approach:
"Seminole Two Two Eight, Morristown altimeter 30.08. Proceed direct Solberg, maintain 5000. Were you given any speed restrictions? If so, you can resume normal speed."

Me:
"Direct Solberg, 5000, Two Two Eight. And we're a Seminole. This is normal speed."

Karl Siil
Princeton, New Jersey

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

Heard at Lawrence, Massachusetts:

Tower:
"Arrow Eight Two Xray, slowest possible speed. Traffic ahead is an ultralight on a half-mile final."

Ultralight:
"Tower, we'll climb out so he can land."

Tower:
"Roger, climb and maintain 1700, runway heading. Arrow Eight Two Xray, cleared to land, caution, mowing in progress, right side of runway."

Arrow:
"Roger, duck under the lawn mower ahead and avoid the one on the ground. Cleared to land, Arrow Eight Two Xray."

Angelo Iannuzzo Nashua
New Hampshire

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

Returning to Republic Airport in Farmingdale, New York on New Year's Day, I heard the following exchange on the air between the tower controller and the pilot of a Piper Arrow:

Arrow:
"Republic tower, Arrow One Two Three Four Five, eight miles north, inbound with India."

Tower:
"Arrow Three Four Five, report right downwind runway 32."

Arrow:
"Any chance we can get a straight in?"

Tower:
"You said you were north, didn't you?"

Arrow:
"Yes, seven miles north."

Tower:
"Arrow Three Four Five, the only way I can give you a straight in for Runway 32 is if you turn north and continue for about 24,000 miles."

[pause]

Arrow:
"Uh, okay. Sorry. Happy New Year ... ."

Daniel A. Torres
Baldwin, New York

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

Overheard in the vicinity of Buchanan Tower in Concord, California:

Cessna 123:
"Buchanan Tower, this is Cessna One Two Three, seven south of Buchanan, 2000 feet, request transit, northbound."

Buchanan Tower:
"Cessna One Two Three, transition approved. Report clear."

[30-second pause]

Cessna 123:
"Tower, this is Cessna One Two Three. Where is Clear?"

Saul Chaikin

Short Final

Romance in the air is alive and well. While on a CAP flight I heard the following over departure control:

Control:
Bonanza 123, squawk 4567.

A short while later ...

Control:
Bonanza 123, do you have a passenger named [woman's first name] aboard?

Bonanza 123:
Affirmative.

Control:
Can you put her on? We are holding an important message for her.

Bonanza 123:
Stand by.

[pause]

Bonanza 123 (woman's voice):
This is [woman's name].

Control:
We have been asked to relay a message to you from [man's name] in [aircraft number]. Are you ready to copy?

[pause]

Bonanza 123 (woman's voice):
Yes.

Control:
[Man's name] sends the following message: "Will you marry me?"

Bonanza 123:
[garbled transmission]

Control:
We didn't get that. What is your answer?

Bonanza 123 (woman's voice):
I would be honored.

Control:
Bonanza 123, we copy and will relay.

[pause]

Cap Flight 2237:
Cap Flight 2237 offers best wishes to the bride.

Delta 0000:
Delta 0000 offers best wishes to the bride.

Control:
Bonanza 123, Cap Flight 2237 and Delta 0000 send best wishes to the bride.

Bonanza 123 (woman's voice again):Thank you.

CAP Flight 2237:
Nice to know romance on the airways is alive and well. Over 3,000 hours up here, and I never heard anything like that.

Control:
Me either. We have never played cupid before.

Tom Simmons

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

With my CFII Jim in the right seat, we were on vectors to Allentown Airport for practice instrument approaches. En route, we heard the approach controller making the following call to another pilot in the area.

Approach:
Cessna One Three Four, two o'clock, same altitude, have you spotted it?

Cessna 134:
No, I'm under the hood.

Ed Dolezal
Bridgewater, New Jersey

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

During a recent departure from Essex County Airport in Caldwell, New Jersey, the tower controller must have been frazzled with intensive student training in the pattern:

Tower:
Bonanza Seven Zero Mike Romeo, contact New York departure and have a good flight.

Bonanza:
To departure. Bonanza Zero Mike Romeo.

Have a nice day.

Tower:
It's too late for that.

Jack Meagher
Southern Shores, North Carolina

Short Final

Overheard in IFR Magazine's 'On the Air' Section
Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air"

Returning home from the West Coast a few years ago, we landed in Flint, Mich. The Midwest had had weeks of rain and overcast skies that summer, and I got this on departure:

"Bonanza Five Four Seven Zero Victor, when you get on top, would you look out to the southeast and tell me if you see a big bright light?"

Don Sanderson
Bear Creek, Pennsylvania
GNS-series navigators revolutionized air navigation.

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