I took my cousin for a plane ride a few years ago. After an hour, we headed back to DuPage airport. The last 10 minutes of the flight were quiet, with almost no conversation. About six miles out, I keyed the mic and opened my mouth to contact the tower, when all of a sudden my cousin shouts loudly, "HEY, LOOK, THERE'S A NAKED LADY DOWN THERE BY THE SWIMMING POOL!" My mouth was still open and the mic button was still pushed.
Part of the passenger arrival briefing from the lone flight attendant on a United Express O'Hare-to-Memphis flight.
"Please remove all personal items from the aircraft. Any items left on board can be found at my yard sale next Sunday."
(Two company DH8's on final into Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.)
Controller: CO1234, your traffic is company DH8, at your 11 o'clock, 3,000.
CO1234: Roger Saskatoon, have company DH8 in sight, too close for missiles, going to guns.
Controller: Roger ... please avoid hitting tower.