United 1234: "Springs Approach, United 1234. We cant read the localizer. Is there a problem?"
Approach: "The box is actually sitting right behind me. Theyre doing an upgrade and it should be back in service this Winter."
United 1234: "We cant hold that long."
Cessna123: Jumpers away!
Approach (in his best kid-on-a-ride voice): WEEEEEEE!
Pilot: "Cessna 123, still holding short."
Tower: " Cessna 123, Hold your taters."
Pilot: "Taters held, over."
Tower: "Cessna 123, release taters, [chuckle] Runway 33, position and hold."
The VP was impressed and the pilot is now known company-wide as "Tater".
Nearly fifty yars ago when I was a NAVCAD (Naval Aviation Cadet), one of our classmates had an accident. One of the accident board members asked him what he thought caused the accident.
His reply: "Well sir, I ran out of airspeed, altitude and ideas all at the same time."
Cessna Pilot: Wow. That thing really moves! You must have to wind the rubberband really tight.
Experimental Pilot: Nah, the kit came with an option for an extra hamster wheel. You're jealous?
Cessna Pilot: ...About 50 knots jealous, yes.
Pilot: Where's Annule?
Dep. Control: What is it ... an intersection or something?
Pilot: I don't know.
Dep. Control: Where did you see it?
Pilot: On the screens in the terminal. Lots of airlines go there but the flight's always cancelled.
Dep. Control: (laughter) Welcome to Canada, Monsieur. "Annule" is French for "cancelled."
Pilot: Ah. Oui, oui.
While flying in Saturday morning around 10:30 am to the EAA southwest show at New Braunfel's (BAZ), the very busy tower and an experimental aircraft on final had this exchange.
Experimental ABX: "Tower, experimental ABX, I'm dodging a bunch of airplanes.
Tower: "Good, keep dodging. You're number 4 on final."
I made contact and entered the airspace, flying my assigned altitude and heading with sweaty palms, listening to the pros.
Suddenly, ATC, in a very cynical, condescending tone, barked out "Northwest 560, WHERE are you going?"
A rather timid voice came back with "Heading 260, sir."
"I said 360! Fly heading 360. Just where do you think the airport is?"
"Roger ... 360" was the reply.
"Cessna XYZ, fly heading 300."
"Heading 300, Cessna XYZ."
"Thanks, at least SOMEONE here can follow instructions."
From that point on, flying in controlled airspace was no sweat.