Short Final

Short Final…

No, that's not what I said.

"I was about to lift off with my instructor from a class D airport in a Robinson R-44. The route of flight would take us very near neighboring Class C airspace. The controller questioned us after we gave our initial heading..."

Controller: Staying clear of all airspaces?

My instructor: ...Except yours.

(short pause)

Controller: Did you just say, 'Up yours'?

We were both laughing too hard to respond.

Short Final…

Another day at customs...

I was returning to the US with my niece. The week before, a friend had flown the plane into a local grass strip and there was still mud and residue on the fuselage. As customs agents inspected the plane, one officer asked about the dirt and commented, "I gotta say, that's the first time I've seen grass on the outside of the airplane." Naturally dense (and focused on the inspection) I puzzled as my teenage niece began to choke down laughter.

...She had to explain it to me as we taxied away.

Short Final…

From a neighbor to the north...

"Last fall my wife and I headed to Oregon so that I could get some flight training that wasn't offered here in Canada. We approached the stern looking US Customs agent and got ready for the typical serious and pointed questions. He asked me my purpose of travel and I explained that I was obtaining pilot training. He then asked my wife for her passport and said, 'and you must be the next of kin.'"

"... Glad he wasn't speaking prophetically!"

Short Final…

Sound familiar?

PA-44: Page Traffic, Seminole Echo-Romeo entering the left down wind, we will be simulated single engine...

C-172S: Seminole Echo-Romeo, Cessna is following you into the Downwind on the left 45.

[pause]

... We're single engine, as well.

Short Final…

There's a club for that, too...

An exchange overheard between an Australian charter company and ATC. The company was in mid-April flying a DC-3 carrying a wedding party at 2000 feet over Sydney harbour while the nuptials took place. The flight's pilot made sure ATC was aware and ready to coordinate a return to the airport...

DC-3: ...and, Sydney, we'll soon be finished with the ceremony and looking for a higher altitude for the return.

[soon after]

DC-3: ...So that's it. He does, she does, and that much is done.

ATC: Very well.

[pause]

You're cleared for the return at 5280 feet. (Laughing) And tell them to make it snappy.

Short Final…

The following exchange occurred between my student, the tower, and me at KLVK on 05/08/06...

Cessna N1234 (Student): Livermore tower Cessna 1234 at Sierra ready to taxi 25R with India.

Tower: Roger N1234 taxi to India.

[Student gives me the "Huh? You read it back," look.]

Cessna N1234 (Instructor): Tower N1234 confirm you want us to taxi to 25R. We don't have enough fuel to get to India.

Short Final…

While working as a controller at Ellsworth Approach Control in the 80's, I heard this exchange.

ATC: Western 474, Ellsworth Approach Control is utilizing a certain phase of the radar called circular polarization, which allows us to depict only the most severe areas of weather on the radar display.

[Long Pause...]

Western 474: Approach, say again, please.

[Without error, ATC repeated the alert, (which I had never heard before!)]

[Second Long Pause...]

Western 474: Approach, we don't know what's going on down there, but the co-pilot seems to think that somebody just circumsized a polar bear.

Short Final…

Oh, the years gone by...

Many years ago when I was a student pilot flying a C-120, (if you can remember when flight schools used C-120s, you may be older than I am), I groundlooped in front of the tower at BFI. Here's the exchange, as I remember it:

Tower: Cessna triple 7, are you experiencing difficulties?

Me: No.

(pause)

...not now that I've got the sonofa**** stopped.

Tower: [Through laughter] Triple seven, taxi to the ramp.

Short Final…

We were out taking pictures for a safety seminar, and admittedly a bit distracted (no, the irony is not lost on us) when we reported a left base to the tower. That's when things got silly...

Us: Tower, we're high, uh, Cessna 1234, on the left base.

Tower: Sir, you're speaking with ATC, and I'm only qualified to respond to the second part of your transmission. Cleared to land 14.

(short pause)

...that first part sounds more appropriate for someone with the ATF.

Short Final…

Proudlyflyingmy new Lancair Columbia 350intoTucson International, having been cleared for the visual to 11L, I heard this interchange with a regional jet:

Tower:RJ1234 you're cleared for the visual following the Columbia on a one mile final.

(pause)

RJ1234: ...I'm following the Space Shuttle?!!

GNS-series navigators revolutionized air navigation.

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