Short Final

We were out taking pictures for a safety seminar, and admittedly a bit distracted (no, the irony is not lost on us) when we reported a left base to the tower. That's when things got silly...

Us: Tower, we're high, uh, Cessna 1234, on the left base.

Tower: Sir, you're speaking with ATC, and I'm only qualified to respond to the second part of your transmission. Cleared to land 14.

(short pause)

...that first part sounds more appropriate for someone with the ATF.

Proudlyflyingmy new Lancair Columbia 350intoTucson International, having been cleared for the visual to 11L, I heard this interchange with a regional jet:

Tower:RJ1234 you're cleared for the visual following the Columbia on a one mile final.

(pause)

RJ1234: ...I'm following the Space Shuttle?!!

"Ive overheard this at the tower frequency at Amsterdam Schiphol Airport (EHAM) in The Netherlands..."

Tower: KL123 you are cleared to land on runway 24

KL123: (with a loud background noise) Thank you sir, KL123 cleared to land runway 24

Tower: KL123, what is that high noise on the background?

KL123: It's just normal cockpit noise

Tower: You sound like a Fokker 50 cabriolet

KL123: Fine, I'll close the window

Overheard while being vectored to the ILS 10 at KMSY the other day:

Approach: Jet 123, maintain 9,000.

Jet 123: Um, ok, we're gonna go through it.

Approach: That's ok, climb and maintain 10,000.

Jet 123: Uh, we're on our way back down to 9,000, now.

Approach: Well, 10 is available, you're welcome to climb and maintain 10,000.

Jet 123: Why are you doing this to us?

Approach: Well, I'm trying to separate you from traffic behind you, if that's OK.

Jet 123: That's fine, but we just zero-g'd an aircraft with a US Senator aboard. We'd rather not squash him, now.

[pause]

Approach: If I'd known that, I'd have sent you back down to 5,000 first.

Controllers on the ball...

Heard while established on a seven-mile final to Runway 1 at Republic Airport in Farmingdale, NY (FRG) January 1, 2002...

Arrow N1234: Republic Tower, Arrow 1234 nine miles north, landing with Victor.

Tower: Arrow 234 report the right downwind Runway 1.

Arrow 234: Tower, any chance we could get a straight in?

Tower: Arrow 234, you did say you were north didn't you?

Arrow 234: Yes, we are 7 mile s north.

Tower: Arrow 234, understand the only way I can give you a straight in for 1 is if I turn you around and have you continue for about 24,000 miles.

I had a little trouble navigating a straight approach while laughing so hard.

Sometimes you just gotta tell it like it is...

While on short final for the center runway of KIWA during a busy time of day we overheard tower give instructions to the aircraft following behind us:

N1234: Gateway tower, N1234, with you ILS three-zero-charlie.

Tower: N1234, roger, number two cleared to land, there will be...

(pause)

Well... there will be a lot of stuff happening before you land.

Overheard late last Friday night at my local non-towered airport...

C-G1234: Unicom, request Airport Advisory.

Unicom: Sorry, say again your sign?

C-G1234: I'm a Gemini. I like candle-light dinners and long walks on the beach ... but I don't see what that has to do with anything, right now.

Everybody's a comedian...

Overheard this weekend.

Pilot: Tower, Cessna1234 would like to shoot a missed approach.

Tower: Cessna 1234 approved for missed approach.

Pilot: Roger. How close can we come?

[pause]

Tower: ... Just don't hit the tower.

While doing some work, heard the following exchange on Kennedy Tower freq:

Twr: Cactus 51, turn right zulu and golf, hold behind the plane that's stopped to recycle.

Cactus 51: Cactus 51 we'll make the right zulu and golf, behind the recycled airplane ... whatever that means.

Trw: C'mon Cactus, you guys should know what that means, you fly Airbus' -- it's when the screens go blank and you have to restart them all.

Cactus 51: Oh, yeah, we know about that. We just thought it was 'cause we were out of quarters.

High-speed taxi ... or low-speed takeoff.

I landed in the first 150 feet of a runway in a Flightstar (Vx = 40 KIAS) and was taxiing past the main taxiway where an Air Asia 737 was waiting...

Tower: 9M-EAU please expedite.

9M-EAU: Wilco. [...while acclerating to about 15 knots on the ground.]

Air Asia Pilot: We can wait, sir. If he goes any faster he'll be flying again.