Short Final

Short Final…

If ever you've lost your place...

I fly "co-pilot" for a national carrier. This particular dark and stormy night had me eager for some real world practice. The captain had other ideas.

Me: I'd like to fly the approach tonight if you don't mind.

Captain: ...and how many times have you flown this one before?

Me: More times than I can count.

(pause)

Captain: I'm still waiting for you to say something that might inspire my confidence.

Short Final…

Actually broadcast on the West Palm Beach (KPBI) ATIS during the first week of the new year.

"Attention all pilots, don't land on taxiway Lima located between runway 27 right and 27 left... [pause] ...Duh!"

Short Final…

An oldie, but a goodie...
Overheard while flying freight near Frankfurt.

ATC: F1243, desend and maintain 12-thousand.

F1234: 12-thousand, F1234.

ATC: F1234, can you make it to 12 in one minute?

(short pause)

F1234: Negative. The captain requests I inform you we're going as fast as this Fokker will go.

(silence)

ATC: ...Right. Lufthansa 456, turn right heading 330, please.

Short Final…

When congestion isn't the real problem...

Here is my recollection of a conversation heard on 128.25 last Saturday:

Aircraft on Approach: Get off the runway I am landing.

Aircraft on Runway: Maybe you should go around if I am not fast enough for you.

Aircraft on Approach: I can't, I have a terrible crosswind, I am in trouble, I am in a 180.

Aircraft on Runway: ...Maybe you shouldn't be flying a 180.

Short Final…

A slow day at the FSS?

I'm a student at Daniel Webster College, and one particularly nasty winter morning last year I was calling the briefer before my 7AM flight...

Me: Good morning this is N---DW, I'd like a standard VFR brief for the Nashua area and ...

Briefer (cutting me off): You're not going anywhere this morning except back to bed.

(pause)

... Still want your briefing?

Short Final…

Specificity 101

Heard on Philadelphia Approach:

Duke 1234: Philly Approach, we're gonna begin our VFR descent for the field.

Controller: Duke 1234, say altitude descending to.

Duke 1234: We're descending for the field.

Controller: Roger, Duke 1234, say altitude descending to.

Duke 1234: Well, the field elevation is 78 feet, so ... hopefully, we won't be going below that.

Controller: Squak 1200, radar services terminated.

Short Final …

Recently heard at Manchester international:

Nameless 747 jock: "Ground, can you confirm that a '400 will fit between these two lamposts?"

ATC: "Yip, absolutely, no shadow of a doubt, definitely will."

... pause ...

ATC: "Assuming you are on the centreline....."

Short Final…

Submitted by a heavy iron driver.

After landing on RWY 30 the other day I began to taxi to the gate when I noticed a beautiful red fox strolling across the taxiway.

Me: Hey, Ground. Did you know you have foxes here on the airport?

Ground: Oh, sure, plenty of them. I'm surprised you knew it was a fox -- most pilots think they are wild dogs.

Me: Well, I've been to a bar or two. I know a fox when I see one!

Female Voice: Then I guess you'd know a wild dog, too.

Short Final…

I was practicing night landings when another aircraft departed the airport to the southeast. This is the communication I heard between that aircraft and the tower...

Departing Aircraft: Uh, Tower, N1234. Are you talkin' to this traffic out here? He's headed straight for us.

(short pause)

Departing Aircraft: Scratch that ... (timidly) ... we're looking at a planet.

Short Final…

What to bring to the table when entering the pattern...

ATC: N1234, confirm you have current ATIS.

N1234: N1234 has Whiskey.

(Unidentified pilot): In that case, welcome to the party!

Maybe we're scaring student pilots too much about what it's like inside a cloud.

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