Short Final…
I fly "co-pilot" for a national carrier. This particular dark and stormy night had me eager for some real world practice. The captain had other ideas.
Me: I'd like to fly the approach tonight if you don't mind.
Captain: ...and how many times have you flown this one before?
Me: More times than I can count.
(pause)
Captain: I'm still waiting for you to say something that might inspire my confidence.
Short Final…
"Attention all pilots, don't land on taxiway Lima located between runway 27 right and 27 left... [pause] ...Duh!"
Short Final…
Overheard while flying freight near Frankfurt.
ATC: F1243, desend and maintain 12-thousand.
F1234: 12-thousand, F1234.
ATC: F1234, can you make it to 12 in one minute?
(short pause)
F1234: Negative. The captain requests I inform you we're going as fast as this Fokker will go.
(silence)
ATC: ...Right. Lufthansa 456, turn right heading 330, please.
Short Final…
Here is my recollection of a conversation heard on 128.25 last Saturday:
Aircraft on Approach: Get off the runway I am landing.
Aircraft on Runway: Maybe you should go around if I am not fast enough for you.
Aircraft on Approach: I can't, I have a terrible crosswind, I am in trouble, I am in a 180.
Aircraft on Runway: ...Maybe you shouldn't be flying a 180.
Short Final…
I'm a student at Daniel Webster College, and one particularly nasty winter morning last year I was calling the briefer before my 7AM flight...
Me: Good morning this is N---DW, I'd like a standard VFR brief for the Nashua area and ...
Briefer (cutting me off): You're not going anywhere this morning except back to bed.
(pause)
... Still want your briefing?
Short Final…
Heard on Philadelphia Approach:
Duke 1234: Philly Approach, we're gonna begin our VFR descent for the field.
Controller: Duke 1234, say altitude descending to.
Duke 1234: We're descending for the field.
Controller: Roger, Duke 1234, say altitude descending to.
Duke 1234: Well, the field elevation is 78 feet, so ... hopefully, we won't be going below that.
Controller: Squak 1200, radar services terminated.
Short Final …
Nameless 747 jock: "Ground, can you confirm that a '400 will fit between these two lamposts?"
ATC: "Yip, absolutely, no shadow of a doubt, definitely will."
... pause ...
ATC: "Assuming you are on the centreline....."
Short Final…
After landing on RWY 30 the other day I began to taxi to the gate when I noticed a beautiful red fox strolling across the taxiway.
Me: Hey, Ground. Did you know you have foxes here on the airport?
Ground: Oh, sure, plenty of them. I'm surprised you knew it was a fox -- most pilots think they are wild dogs.
Me: Well, I've been to a bar or two. I know a fox when I see one!
Female Voice: Then I guess you'd know a wild dog, too.
Short Final…
Departing Aircraft: Uh, Tower, N1234. Are you talkin' to this traffic out here? He's headed straight for us.
(short pause)
Departing Aircraft: Scratch that ... (timidly) ... we're looking at a planet.
Short Final…
ATC: N1234, confirm you have current ATIS.
N1234: N1234 has Whiskey.
(Unidentified pilot): In that case, welcome to the party!