Short Final…
ATC: N1234 traffic 1 o'clock, 6 miles.
N1234: Right ... uh ... we're in a cloud.
(short pause)
ATC: Then you won't see her.
N1234: Roger. Negative traffic, 234.
Short Final…
Controller: Bonanza 123AB you will be following a Duchess on downwind ... he's about to lose an engine.
Short Final…
Me: Ground, we're going to stop here to clean up a bit.
Ground: Why? It looked like a great landing from here...
Short Final…
On a particularly windy day, I was in a skyhawk on right base for 35.
Me: Wind check.
Controller: Winds 300 at 26
(pause)
... We've got the trucks on standby.
Short Final…
Several months ago, whilst assigned to the Tracon, an incident occurred which still causes great laughter throughout our community.
It was a busy arrival session, the controller was working four VHF frequencies -- including approaches into a satellite airport and two UHF frequencies.
After sending numerous transmissions of, Blocked! (by some unknown aircraft chiming in at the wrong time) the controller finally screamed, "Darn it! Every time I key up, some idiot starts talking!
The entire room busted out laughing and, surprisingly, the controller did not get the humor (which only made it that much more funny for the rest of us)!
Short Final…
Nor Cal Approach: Bonanza 1-2-3-4, opposite direction traffic at your 1 o'clock, five miles, five hundred feet above you, Blue Angels flight of two.
Bonanza 1-2-3-4: Negative contact, say again type traffic.
Nor Cal: Two F-18s, blue and yellow. Currently at your one moving to two o'clock ... make that three o'clock ... um ... traffic no longer a factor. Caution, wake turbulence.
Short Final…
ONT Twr: Airbus 1234, where are you going today, sir?
Airbus 1234: Right where that 727 is, and, uh, be advised our tail might be a little bit over your runway.
Boeing NABC: Don't worry. A little tail never hurt anybody.
(awkward silence)
Airbus 1234: ... Wish I could say that.
Short Final…
Tower: Southwest 972 Position and hold runway 28
Pilot Reply: You're 90 degrees off ... (pause) ... Northwest 972 will position and hold, runway 28
Short Final…
ATC: Did you get your numbers?
Airline: [Somewhat garbled] Negative.
ATC: Was it "Negative?"
Airline: [Again, rather garbled] Affirmative.
ATC: So ... "negative," or "affirmative?"
Airline: "Affirmative" for "negative..." [the other guy in the cockpit can be heard chuckling in the background]
Short Final…
Airline: New York Center, Bizmumble 123, inbound from across the pond. How are you today?
Center: Well ... I'm working on a holiday.
Airline (indignantly): You're barkin' up the wrong tree, buddy.