Short Final

Short Final…

More from our "It's all about priorities" file ...

Saturday a.m. -- during Round 2 March Madness in Illinois. After too much coffee and two hours of touch & goes I was on base after an extended downwind. Two regional jets were waiting for IFR clearance and for me to get out of their way.

Cessna 12345: Tower, Cessna 345 on two-mile final for Runway 29.

Tower: Will that be touch and go?

Cessna: No, the Illinois game is about to start soon. This will be full stop.

Regional Jet: Nice Priorities. Go Illini!

Cessna: Well, that and I really have to pee.

Tower: Roger 345. Clear to land on 29. Best of luck with both.

Short Final…

Frustrated Controller at LaGuardia on a busy day: "Skyhawk 735 do a one minute 360 for spacing on the final".

Veteran, cool, knowledgeable pilot "A standard rate-turn 360 degrees takes two minutes"

Controller: "Do a 180 and back 'er in".

Short Final…

More from our If Only file...

The comm radio failed again while practicing instrument approaches. After restoring communications...

Cessna 12345: "Approach, Cessna 12345 is going to break of the approach, procede VFR to (uncontrolled home field), and kick this radio down the stairwell."

Controller, "Cessna 12345, approved, squawk VFR. After a short pause, "Will that work with my teenager?"

Short Final…

Early in my tailwheel instruction, my instructor was trying to teach me wheel landings in a Citabria during a Southern California full-blown Santa Ana. Winds were approximately 45 degrees to the runway, blowing 20 knots, gusting to 35+ knots. After about 20 attempts, with about 20 saves from my instructor (lots of crow-hopping, bounces, you name it, using all of a 150-foot-wide runway), I decided I was done:

Citabria 123: Tower, we've had enough. Citabria 123 requests northbound departure.

Tower: Citabria 123, northbound departure approved. Sorry to see you boys leave -- sure has been entertaining!

Short Final…

More from our "It's all relative file" ...

Approach Control: Cessna 123N, say flight conditions.

Cessna 123N: I'm not sure ... it's so hazy up here it's hard to tell.

Short Final…

A pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The nav replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the nav replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

Short Final…

More from our When you gotta go, you gotta go file...

While waiting on the ground for one-half hour on the ground for bad weather to clear, I overheard the following:

Tower: "United 123 taxi into position and hold"

United 123: "We are unable to. We have a passenger in the lavatory"

Tower: "United 124, do you have a passenger in the lav?"

United 124: "No sir"

Tower: "United 124, your up!"

Short Final…

Last week's short final made me think of our local GA airport, which features the following sign in the men's room:

"Pilots with a short pitot tube and low manifold pressure are advised to taxi up close..."

Short Final…

In the late 80's, I attended Daniel Webster College for my Aviation Management/Flight Operations Degree. At the time there were several AF ROTC candidates on campus and the usual amount of paraphernalia that accompanies their recruitment.

While visiting a friend, an ROTC candidate, in his on-campus townhouse, I had to use his "facilities." To my surprise, I noticed a pencil on top of the commode that inappropriately advertised, "Air Force -- Aim High!"

Short Final…

Sometimes when we are stressed we forget to think before we key the mike. This actually happened after the oil line blew.

88U : Manchester (NH) tower Cherokee 5988U is five miles NW with a total engine failure.

MHT: (Using that standard FAA terminology) What are your intentions?

88U: I intend to land!

MHT : (that standard terminology again) Roger, how many souls on board?

88U: no souls, four heathens.

Yeah, probably it was. But that's the shape of the future. If the thrill is worth it—and for most of us, it is—go for it.

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