CEO Of The Cockpit: The Enemies List (Corrected)

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Sometimes, the activities on the ramp at my home airport resemble the movie “Idiocracy” more than a functional place for aircraft operations.

I am not immune to stupidity, missed cues, gaffes, faux pas, and having my head up and locked. Some of the goofy things I have done in and around airplanes would astound and vex you into wondering how I have lived this long.

I have been around flying for a very long time and have faux-pawed so many times I am tempted to write a biography titled Two Hundred Stupid Things I Have Done in Airplanes and How I Survived Them.”

Still, even with my background in aviation Tomfoolery, I am stunned by the annoying, insipid and thoughtless things people do to their aircraft and the airports where they are based.

Take this morning. As I drove down the ramp on my way to my humble T-hangar, I noticed someone pulling the prop on the left engine of their old Beech Baron’s left engine. At first, I thought this guy was pulling the prop through out of conviction that pulling props through was a thing that pilots had to do.

I stopped my truck and said hi to this stalwart prop-pulling pilot. He waved and then said the immortal words uttered by many pilots before him who lost fingers and arms: “Contact!”

You are correct, ladies and gentlemen. He was trying to start the engine of his light twin by propping it! Let’s forgo the lecture about how illegal this is vis-à-vis the FARs (look it up under “minimum equipment list”). We can even ignore the fact that flying with a completely dead battery on an aircraft that uses electrons to pull up the landing gear and extend the flaps is dumb.

The most dangerous thing was what would happen if the daggum thing started. Our propping pilot gave up after discovering that doing this with a Baron is an almost impossible task. He melted into a puddle of sweat and ignorance after a few attempts and stumbled to the hangar to find a mechanic who could find him a strong battery and troubleshoot the situation.

This guy made my enemies list.

For those of you too young to remember Richard Milhous Nixon, this president is famous, in part, for maintaining an “enemies list” of people he did not like or thought could harm his political career. I am sure that most politicians have a list like that and hope that nobody—especially the people on their list—finds out.

My list does not just contain unsafe idiots. It catalogs the clueless, annoying and outright enemies of flying who harshly affect my piloting buzz.

Here are a few of the members of my list. Please feel free to comment with your additions, even if the list includes pontificating and opinionated pilots like me:

The potential instrument pilot or returning recurrent instrument pilot trainee who wears their instrument hood on their head as they walk out to the airplane. Yes, we all know you are a high-tech gauge jockey. We don’t need to see your goofy hood, and you should know that by wearing it, you will be forever pegged as a geek.

I have already discussed people who love the microphone so much that they talk incessantly on Unicom, but for today’s enemies list, let’s note the ones who say “last call” as they leave the frequency. Dude, we don’t care. Just stop talking, and after a while, we’ll figure out that you are gone.

Helicopter pilots who hover taxi down the narrow alley between rows of T-hangars. These people should be rotor-whipped. Yes, they think they look cool as their sling wing churns up a FOD tsunami, but yours truly wonders what is so daggum hard about pushing their whirlybird out to an open area using the wheels on the skids or the trailer it is sitting on when they pulled it from the hangar.

This does not happen to me anymore, but I would be remiss if I did not mention trans-oceanic picture-takers and talkers. They call you on track common and say they took a picture of your bird as you passed each other on the tracks. Then they want you to email your address, again, on track common so that they can email it to you. Thanks, but I already have plenty of pictures of airplanes and don’t want to broadcast my address.

Pilots who poop on the team bus. Nuff said.

Do-it-yourselfers who change their airplane’s oil and then throw the old oil that they have put into an old milk jug into the airport dumpster. Woodsy Owl should show up and yank their tickets after giving them a painful pecking.

Please keep your distance when I am at the self-serve gas pump, and you are next in line. I know you are back there, next in line, and don’t need a Cessna enema when you discover your brakes don’t work well. Also, I am fueling as fast as I can, Skippy, so fewer frustrated looks are in order.

Please don’t paint your lame general aviation spam can like a USAF or Navy fighter. It embarrasses your aircraft and makes you look like a dweeb. If you want to fly a warbird, buy one.

I have enemy-listed pilots who leave trash and detritus all over the cockpit when they leave. In the airline world, we would identify the pilot, package up his or her trash, and company mail it to them. 

My final one today is from my airline past. At 4 a.m., when we are riding the van from the hotel to the airport to start our day, I don’t need to hear about your shopping trip to Old Navy, how your boyfriend is funny in the shower or other loud, intimate details of your life. I am trying to relax and catch a few z’s before we get frisked by the TSA. Please be silent and take a big gulp of a steaming cup of “shut the hell up.”

I finally made it safely to my T-hangar and found a neighbor across the way trying to push open his hangar doors using the front of his pick-up truck. I reminded him that the doors were pinned at the bottom and would easily open if he removed them from the concrete floor.

Sigh…

Thanks for all the kind words but Kevin Garrison wrote this. The byline on these stories defaults to my name in this system and I forgot to change it yesterday. Apologies to Kevin, too. Russ

Kevin Garrison
Kevin Garrison is a former airline captain who continues to spread his wisdom of the ages as an airport bum. He shares his thoughts twice a month.

103 COMMENTS

  1. I wrote a weekly column for years. This one has the familiar smell of “I need a topic to write about but can’t think of one.”

    • You would have a valid point if this were your average publication. You see, we plan our subjects very carefully here at AvWeb. A group of senior editors, producers, typesetters, poets, and political officers meets at the AvWeb offices every year at the first full moon. We haggle, arm wrestle, scream, discuss, converse, and pontificate to plan a full year of subject commandments. After many hours of deep discussion, we then threw darts at the spinning wheel of column subjects. Wherever a dart lands, we are honor-bound to write about it. This week’s dart landed on “stupid pilots.” This subject is what we columnists call an “evergreen.” Next week, dart has landed on Oshkosh food stands, and I am bound by a blood oath to tell you no more.

    • When it comes to picking topics YOU want, I’m sure if the AVWeb staff had a crystal ball they would be in a circus, and if they had two they’d be in the Guinness Book of World Records. I’m sure if Russ’s mission was seeking your approval, he would have asked.

  2. Lets not forget the type which will judge and enemylist a clueless pilot, instead of risk saying something productive and potentially saving their life!

  3. Russ congrats as a Canadian for getting his middle name right. Most Americans probably don’t know/remember!

    • How could we forget “Next to every mill house there is a water gate”? I guess I’m showing my age.

    • Remember Archie Bunker on All in the Family? He always referred to the President as Richard T. Nixon.

  4. The instrument hood one made me laugh, especially as the scab on my skull from staggering back to bed at the crack of dawn, with a sleep mask put on before getting into bed, has finally healed.

  5. Made my day with your comment about “Last Call.” I DON’T CARE!!! Where did “On the go” come from too? They already said they were doing a touch and go, so while adding power, rudder, and attempting to fly it’s important to make a radio call too?

    • Glen, I concur regarding VFR T&G’s. However, that phrase does play a valid role when conducting practice IFR approaches with a low approach. It’s a way of letting the tower controller know you’ve completed that approach, are buttoned up and climbing, and ready for Approach Control handoff. Our Class C tower wants that call so they can quickly dump you on the ApCon guys. They’ll accept “N1234 is missed” but that’s a little bit wrong, as we’re never expected to execute the missed approach procedure (unless previously cleared for it).

      • Sure, but “on the go” is non standard phraseology that doesn’t mean anything. People say it because they think it sounds cool. “Going around” or “Missed approach” are the correct, accepted options for this scenario.

        • Dale, as WBJohn stated if you’re doing practice approaches VFR, even with ATC coordination, you are NOT automatically cleared for the missed approach unless requested and approved in advance. So calling the “missed approach” in that scenario is incorrect.

  6. On my list are the ones who crash land on a road in an attempt to save the aircraft or themselves but end up taking out an innocent driver minding his own business. What is wrong with a full stall landing in the trees or anywhere off the roads?

    • Given the extreme rarity of making those choices and the impossibly small odds of being that driver, I’d say it is a lot harder on the aircraft and passengers.

  7. I wonder if the “Last Call” callers also have their aircraft chronos and Extra Large Pilot Model® watches set ten minutes fast.

    • “Last call” doesn’t deserve the hate. It generally means that you are aware of a potential conflict, but it’s time to switch frequencies and aren’t coming back to the current frequency to deconflict.

      • Ryan, if you are aware of a potential conflict you’d better stay on the frequency until the conflict is resolved. Sorry, but “Last Call” is not proper radio work. Whether arriving or departing you say who you are, where you are and where you are going. You listen for others. When inbound and ten miles out you don’t end your initial transmission with “First call” do you? Sounds dumb, right? Same thing when departing. “Podunk Traffic, Cessna 1234 departing the area to the North” tells everyone everything they need to know.

      • Sorry Ryan, but ” Last Call ” radio terminology doesn’t cut it.
        ” Frequency Change ” [ if going over to Center or Approach or to another UNICOM frequency, etc..etc..] is standard phraseology or …just no longer transmitting cuts it.

        ☆ ” 75B, departing the pattern to the north☆ ….”

    • When I was attending ERAU in the late ‘80’s, and working full time as well, I started setting my watch 5 minutes fast, to try to get to classes on time.
      To shorten the story, eventually, it was set 30 minutes fast…and I still had trouble getting to FAA regulated classes on time!

      • Yeah, I used to try that trick as well. Didn’t work. Turns out that our brains are smarter than we are. When you set your watch ahead, your brain automatically files that away and compensates for it each time you look at your watch.

  8. While we’re at it, our local aviation university has started a habit among all of the flight schools of calling “Line Up and Wait” as they sit on the runway of a busy non-towered airport, running an A320 checklist in their C172, all while other aircraft wait (im)patiently behind them and as others turn base to final.

  9. One selfie: I was just starting lessons, at 14, was airplane crazy and was helping build a Jodel a KR2 and strippping warbirds at a paint shop. I must have been under everyone’s feet. That Xmas I got a blue, racing striped, EAA flight suit (I must have looked, well, eewwww) and a knee board!

    What is with people making circuit calls on guard/121.5?!

    And Russ, the latest cool thing out on the NAT tracks is to try and share fotos over blue tooth!

  10. Russ:

    I got a good laugh out of your latest.

    How about the chopper pilot who skips all that taxi crap and lands at the already occupied fuel pumps where at least one high wing SE Land airplane is in mid gulp of fueling? Or the hotshot who turns crosswind at 50′ mid field, has lotsa power to break the surly bonds of earth, yet overflys the hangars while making a tipid climb to pattern altitude?

    Or the impatient pilot who has his head in the cockpit while speed taxiing to the runway while on the ramp surrounded by parked aircraft?

    Or….

    😵‍💫🫥☑️☑️

  11. Next door hangar tenant that drills holes all over the wall of “his” hangar so he can hang stuff, cluelessly leaving extremely sharp sheet metal screws exposed on your side which then requires a dremel tool to cut off all those razor sharp ends. Arghh!!

    • I like that. My hangar neighbor plays super conservative talk radio loud enough for Martians to hear it, which upsets my dog no end. In retaliation, I put my Radio Shack speakers up against the wall and played Joan Baez at full volume.

    • “ dremel tool to cut off all those razor sharp ends.”

      Dremel tool? Cut off the sharp ends?

      No. You take a pair of vice grips and screw them “out” to the other side.

      • Trust me, I did consider doing that, but I would rather have his screws in the wall than a bunch of new open peep holes. I try to play nice with others, don’t mess with my cave and I won’t ruin your afternoon either.

    • WRT drilling holes in the Hangar – nowadays no need to do that. They’ve got REALLY strong magnets nowadays. And they’re CHEAP.

    • I’d bang the sheet metal screws back in over to his side with a ball peen hammer. 👍👨‍🏭

  12. Russ–perhaps you’ve seen the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour”–lampooning those who fail to recognize the obvious–(they have Canadian members). After describing the actions by someone doing something incredibly stupid, the “punch line” is “Here’s your sign…..”–indicating “Yep–this is an example of someone that “just doesn’t get the obvious.” This group has done well in pointing out the obvious–you could do the same by pointing out the “aviation obvious!”

  13. I have a doozy. Many moons ago, a pilot landed his C150 (non instrument qualified or equipped, I assume) on a highway in central Massachusetts. The weather was so bad that the ducks were walking. When interviewed by the inevitable TV new crew, he said something like “I could see the Worcester airport but they were IFR and refused landing permission, so I landed on this road”. Hello!! The magic words are “special VFR”. The news crew treated this idiot like a hero.

    • Special VFR requires at least 1 mile vis… if he had trouble seeing past the spinner there’s a word beginning with “E” that forces the issue of landing at an airport.

    • I was IFR into a towered W.VA. airport one early morning in a 421. Cleared for the approach I heard some doctor (I assume) in a Bonanza ask indignantly why he couldn’t land VFR when he could see the runway. Well…..half the runway, as the other half was covered in ground fog making the field officially IFR. I did my good deed for the day by telling ATC I was a CFI and requested direct comms with the good doctor. 10 minutes and contact approach later………

  14. I’m not a pilot but I have been pilot-adjacent for a few decades (avionics tech).

    I signed up my son for a Young Eagles flight as a birthday gift. He was super-excited and wore a Space Camp jumpsuit we’d picked up at a garage sale. When we got to the field, he’d been paired up with a pilot who was flying a C150 in full USAF paint. Perhaps all the other pilots thought the guy was a dweeb, but my son had the perfect flight. This happened fifteen years ago, but the photos we have still show the biggest grin our kid has ever worn.

  15. I try to NOT have an enemies list, but people who presume they know why a person is an idiot for doing something, without actual knowledge gets you pretty close to the list. Russ, your second paragraph is borne out by the rest of the article.

  16. You left out the pilot who leaves his plane at the self service pump and leaves to do whatever while everyone else is waiting for fuel.

  17. Painting your plane in a fancy paint scheme (warbird or fighter style) is evil? Ouch, harsh. Just people having fun and doing a fancier than normal paint job. Not uncommon in the homebuilt world, and I don’t think they strut around in bars pretending to be fighter pilots.

    There are better things out there for you to be annoyed about (… as you show in the rest of your list.)

    • Apologies to everyone. I didn’t write this. Kevin Garrison did and I forgot to change the byline to his. The system defaults to my name in the little box that inserts the author’s name and it got past me last night. All accolades should be directed the CEO of the Cockpit. Sorry, Kevin
      Russ

      • Russ, you write intelligent articles. Today’s, however, just a waste. You didn’t write it, but while the article identified gripes, none of it was educational.

        • Wow, you are right! Russ let me slide on the lack of educational material, so I’ll include a factoid that may help soothe your anger. Any time the RAT is less than 10 degrees C, and you are in visible moisture, you should probably use the engine anti-ice. (If you are on a 727 — deicing that center engine s-tube ducting can be a bitch). Oh, yes… And no worries about turning on the pitot heat on a 767 or 777. It comes on and stays on any time the airplane is powered. I hope this helps. KG

  18. “Please don’t paint your lame general aviation spam can like a USAF or Navy fighter. It embarrasses your aircraft and makes you look like a dweeb. If you want to fly a warbird, buy one.” One thousand RV owners just winced.

  19. Kevin – This non-Gannlike humorous article by you prompts my encouragement to keep writing! A few of the stupid comments are humorous in themselves and prove that even well-intentioned pilots can sometimes descend into the LCD depths of human behavior. Bravo!

    • Skyron (if that’s your real name…)
      I live for those comments. I don’t call them stupid, though. I use a name for them that one of my favorite authors, Dan Jenkins, used. He called them “Point Missers.”

      Keep up your writing. There is a deep need for aviation humor and smart-assery.

      best, KG

  20. These days there’s so many people being outright rude, how does one have time for things like how planes are painted?

    • I never said this job was easy. Sometimes, you have to dig deep and get really petty. It isn’t for everybody, but that is why I make the big bucks.

  21. I’m always tempted to respond “You promise?” or “I’ll take a vodka martini in a to-go cup” to the last call announcements.

    Used to have a guy at IAD sit in his tie down periodically and run the plane up for 30 minutes blowing crap across the ramp at everybody else. I pointed out that this was not only rude but it wasn’t good for his engine. If he didn’t want to fly it for 30 minutes, I assured him I’d find someone who would offer to do so.

  22. Kevin,
    I enjoyed the article. We share many of the same pet peeves. Everytime I hear “last call” I imagine having an air to air missile or 2 under the wings of my old (A55) Baron. Somehow, I feel the need to comment on your use of on the word “illegal”. I have indeed participated in successfully hand propping a Baron. There is no MEL for part 91 operations as mentioned in FAR 91.213(d). The POH has a required equipment list and it says nothing relevant here. Is it smart? No. Is it illegal? No. Interestingly enough the list does clearly specify only 1 Alternator or Generator is required for day VMC. I suspect your hangar enemy was unaware of the differences between shower of sparks and impulse couplings and the implications to hand propping. FWIW, I doubt i will ever hand prop a large bore TCM with SOS again. Its a PITA and not the smartest thing to do. We were all young once.

    • The way I understand it, the engine starter is required equipment, and if it does not work, you cannot placard it and move on. There is no procedure in the POM allowing propping. Not that I haven’t done it from time to time.

      For example, your altimeter is required equipment, and if it is missing, you are illegal to fly, VFR or IFR.

      I think. I could be wrong, but it would be the first time best, kg

      • If the battery is only drained and does not have sufficient energy to crack the engine the starter is still operable equipment. Let’s say you successfully hand prop the left. Charge the battery with that alternator for some time and normal start the right. What required equipment is inoperable ?

  23. Kevin, It appears that some readers could not see your tongue in you cheek. And, as a builder who is planning on painting his RV-7A in Navy Training colors, I have four comments:
    1. Ouch!
    2. I’m a geek, guilty as charged
    3. Yous, ah, wanna step outside? (attempted New York gangster accent)
    4. Keep up the good work

    • Just an FYI the Navy is about to change their paint scheme for trainers. The old white and orange is going away. they are going to be painting a solid blue color with the exception of the markings.

      The new color will be AMS-STD 595A Color 15044 Insignia Blue

  24. Kevin,
    Usually love your writings. This one touched a nerve regarding treatment of the support folks in the back. Were you really living such a hard life at your airline that you couldn’t politely listen and be happy for a flight attendant who had a great overnight? It is not like they are getting rich doing that job like you were. I am a bit surprised, and a quite disappointed, that you would think like that about your crew members. Crew members who generally always stand up for their Captain to the passengers.
    100% agree with you regarding the trash leaving, greasy fingerprint leaving bastards who leave prints on the non-touch screens and windows. I sometimes wonder if they lick them too?

    • ttuite, (if that is your REAL name…)

      I love flight attendants and respect the living crap out of them. If Pope John whatever, or any one of the Avengers (excluding Black Widow) yapped and yammered during a 4 am van ride out of NYC to EWR, I would still complain about it. BTW, I never got rich being an Airline Pilot. I made my multi millions writing this column. kg

  25. Kevin, good article.
    I’d like to add the idiot in the plane behind you in the fuel line at a rural airport that later accuses you of trying to sandblast his airplane when you departed the pump.
    However, neutral observers can find no damage to his airplane.

    Darn it!

  26. Maybe I should add that the pilot of the other plane had entered an aerobatic box while I was using it to explore the limits of the RV-4 I was competing with at the time, using the wrong radio frequency.
    His coach was an active Delta pilot at the time. Thought highly of himself.

  27. Kevin, I read as far as the propping story for now, I’ll read the rest later. Since you and I are FB friends, you may remember the video I posted out of a bet, of me propping the P&W 1340 on a T-6. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with propping an engine on anything thats a 1340 or smaller. I only draw the line at the 1340 because that’s the biggest I’ve propped—so far. I’ve propped high compression 540’s and just about anything else you can imagine. Ian Padden had a 540 powered pitts in the 80’s that had no electrical system. I propped that as a 160lb high schooler.

    In most cases it is not a good idea to prop something with an electric gear. I doubt you could prop the engines in a TwinStar and I’ve heard you aren’t supposed to even use a start cart to start them because when you pull the gear up on TO with a dead battery, the electrical load will cause the angry pixies to stop flowing through the engines electronic engine controls and you’ll get a dual engine failure with the gear half way up.

    There’s nothing wrong with propping a Baron in theory, but like everything, it’s who’s propping it, their training, and what they intend to do once it’s running.

    For the record, the toughest plane I’ve ever propped was when I was crewing in the F1 class at Reno. My crew chief use to farm me out to the other teams. My record was propping three racers on the same start, I just went down the line from one to the next. Those things were low, and the props were light. When they lit off, they went right to 1,000 rpm right in your face.

    As always, I enjoy your stuff.

  28. Kevin, I always wondered who was the model for Otto Pilot in the “Airplane!” movie. You’re a little more, um, “distinguished” than when Otto became a star, but we all can see the resemblance. I don’t suppose you have any “cockpit re-inflation” stories do you?

  29. WOW if that’s all that bothers you, well maybe it`s time for you to become a Tibetan monk or take up needle point…..Cause the world is full of Dumb Azzzs and they are everywhere.

  30. ….”any traffic please advise”…..ok, I advise you listen to the frequency prior to arriving…..and at least plan your 10 mile straight in final to the runway the rest of us are using…..actually, just go away as you probably never listened to Joan Baez…

  31. Kevin,
    I can relate to the one about the talkative cabin crewmember on the 4am van ride, and it reminded me of one of our FA’s that you may remember. She was from the south, I think based at MSY for a while. I don’t remember her name, but I’ll just call her…. Daphne. She was keeping track of all the funny or ridiculous things that passengers said or did. She said she was planning on writing a book at some point. There were lots of stories and they were hilarious. The one thing she did that I won’t forget is the way she made the passenger safety announcement. It went something like this: “in the unlikely event that there is a cabin depressurization, doors will open over your head and masks will drop down an EXPOSE THEMSELVES!” Daphne said this with such a beautiful silky southern drawl that men in first class would just about melt. Never forgot that one.

  32. Upon my first reading of the article I though, hey, that isn’t Russ’s writing, sounds more like Paul, but with less on-point sarcasm, but he retired and so I wonder, who did dat! And, now we know’

    Kevin, you are exactly the type of person who, if you were at my local airport, would always be welcome to come plop down in one of the chairs, crack open a cold beverage of choice, and hangar fly with the rest of us pilots and solvers of the world’s problems. There you could be regaled with stories (some even true) of local pilots and their faux paws (never one of us, of course), the great evils of the airline, corporate, and 91 worlds, and join in as we listen to CTAF and make fun of the young CFIs teaching bad habits (radio checks, saying traffic at the end of their superfluous pattern calls, stop and goes when the pattern is full, huge patterns, on-the-goes, last calls, and so on). Because back in our day we…!

  33. I can remember berating an airplane blocking a taxiway on the ground frequency, when the ground controller (female) came on and said in the same voice that Miss Agnes, my first grade teacher use to use to

    1) remind me that the frequency was hers not mine, and

    2) My baggage door appeared to be open.

    Yes ma’am I replied with the same abjectly humble tone I probably used with Miss Agnes.

    I sent a box of Timmies finest to the tower cab with an apology note

    However, the guy blocking the taxiway was still a jerk !

  34. I’ve successfully hand-propped Cubs, Taylorcrafts, Aeronca Champs, Citabrias, Cessna 172s, 150s and probably a few other electron deficient aircrafts. However, I’ve never successfully hand-propped a TBM.

  35. We’ve all got things that irritate us. But to label those who do those things as “enemies” is a failure of one’s personal humanity. I agree with your irritation at several of these things. The people who attempt to “steal valor” particularly irk me, but thankfully I am not a parent of or otherwise responsible for any of those folks. Even more thankfully I live in a country where it’s perfectly legal in most cases to do things that I don’t agree with. The concept of civilization and common courtesy preclude addressing the matter with the “offenders” so as any civilized person in any free society I can do nothing – but those folks are not my enemies. They may be misguided. They may be unsafe. They may be rude. They may be disrespectful. But none of those things are valid reasons to make them enemies. Do I have feelings of superiority when I see those things – you betcha. I’m not proud of it but it’s a manifestation of my humanity. But my humanity also allows me the chance to use reason to realize that they are not actively in opposition to me. Heck they probably don’t even know I exist. They are not enemies. They are merely not on the same path as me. I think its pretty cool when everybody gets to choose their own path – even if it’s a stupid one.

    The “you don’t do as I think proper so you’re my enemy” bit has taken hold in America and honestly it’s the biggest problem we have. If we’d all just exercise a little more tolerance this world would be a lot better place. Just because someone has a different set of values and beliefs than you doesn’t make them your enemy.

    • Bill, I think that Kevin Garrison is paid his big buck to write with his tongue firmly planted in his cheek. I don’t know him, but I’m guessing that his “personal humanity” is probably such that I would like him if I did–and I’m betting you would, too.

      That being said, I do think that “miscreants” or something similar might have been better than “enemies”. However, he wrote what he wrote, for better or worse–and he did identify some legitimate miscreants. Maybe a couple too many, actually.

    • Hatred can be a problem, but do you know what I occasionally see as a problem? People who see one word in a column they did not write and then feel entitled to complain and moan about a choice of words in the title of a satire written by a fictional character.

      • Firstly I saw all of the word written in the column.
        Secondly this is the internet; AKA an boundary free complaint generator. In this case – as in most that I reply to – I didn’t feel “entitled” to complain although any reader is. I felt compelled to reply. You have joined in an attitude that I clearly mentioned as a big problem. I would have thought an astute observer of the human condition would have made that connection.
        Thirdly your reply does nothing to support your position or show any counter argument to me comment.
        Fourth, if you believe I missed your point, it’s quite clear that you missed mine. Mind I was trying to see your side of things. I didn’t want to call you out – I felt I had to. You knee jerk reaction to “protect” your piece merely proves my point.
        Fifth – if you choose to continue calling this piece “satire” it needs some revision. Look up satire. This ain’t it. It might feel like it to you, but the reader is not inside your head. We don’t share your experiences and outlooks.

        Mind you I’m sure you’re a swell fellow. This is most definitely not personal. But I stand by my remarks.

  36. While Kevin alluded to the hover taxi rapscallions, let us not forget the winged aircraft taxiing by your open hangar and then blasting all the contents of said open hangar to the far end of same open hangar. That’s cowling, ladders, hairpiece, tools, manuals, ETC. There is a right way, and a wrong way to turn your aircraft prior to putting it away. It isn’t hard to be courteous. I loved your list, Kevin.

    • Sorry Fenwick.

      I’ll pull the mixture a tad sooner as I spin it around next time. ☆🤣👍❣

  37. I recall a column of yours from way back when I followed your monthly writings or perhaps it was from your book (which I still have “Clear left, I’ll have the chicken!”) It revolves around the time when your favourite pet dog passed away and you were scheduled to fly as FO. Your Captain was not particularly sympathetic to your domestic distress. Your writing then displayed a degree of humanity and compassion that hit home. Fast forward to this time when we have the luxury of “life’s challenges” in the rear view mirror and want to share our thoughts/feelings with our group. I too was once a “dweeb” wearing a “visual limiting device” going out to my rented Piper Cherokee. Today I salute all those young people who have chosen to trod this unknowing path to a possibly rewarding career or perhaps to financial difficulty. When each of these solo PILOTS clears the runway fence at 100 feet they know their lives depend on what they know and do. Not a whole lot of others would risk that. We live in an open and free country where we can follow our dreams and perhaps retire with a cold “wobbly pop” beside us as a new generation of “flying Fools” embark on their journey. Ya, you’re writing is still O.K.

  38. I believe, judging by the comments, that many missed the satire and twinkle in Kevin’s eye as he wrote this article. I personally relished the crusty annoyed senior aviator perspective as he eyes the terrible misdeeds committed around him. I think we’ve all observed behavior that we would deem questionable and foolhardy. Kevin is merely giving voice to them imho in a very funny piece of satire. Mr. Garrison, am I wrong?

  39. Kevin, thank you for saying this – “Please don’t paint your lame general aviation spam can like a USAF or Navy fighter. It embarrasses your aircraft and makes you look like a dweeb. If you want to fly a warbird, buy one.”

    AMEN! To paint a GA aircraft in warbird paint scheme makes you a total DWEEB. Expect the owner to walk up with a shirt pocket protector, or dressed in a military jumpsuit they bought at an army surplus store….

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