Short Final

While flying into Cheyenne one spring day the tower anounced to pattern traffic...

Tower: Piper 1234 be aware of a flock of birds off of runway 12.

Piper 1234: Tower, we have birds in sight off our right wing.

Tower: Piper 1234 can you deternime what kind of birds they are? ...Geese?

Cessna 567: Tower we have a flock of cranes off of our left wing.

Tower: Cessna 567. Can you tell what kind of cranes?

(pause)

Piper 1234: They appear to be ... unlit cranes.

Unidentified: ... Had that one coming.

One chilly day last winter, after one of the many snowfalls, the crews were diligently working on keeping the runways clean at Syracuse's Hancock International Airport. The ATIS had the usual warning about snow-covered surfaces. As I was taxiing to the runway, I heard the following conversation between the tower and a landing airplane:

Airplane: You guys need to get some snow melters like they have over in Buffalo.

Tower: We do have one. (Pause.) It's called July 4th.

Airplane: I thought that was just a bad day for ice fishing.

Sometimes you fly touch-and-go's, sometimes you watch others fly touch-and-go's. Thrity minutes later, still at the runway's threshold...

Plane: Tower, 01Q.

Tower: 01Q, Tower.

Plane: 01Q has a request.

Tower: Go ahead 01Q.

Plane: 01Q would like to taxi back to the FBO to refuel.

(pause)

Tower: OK 01Q, we'll see if we can't get you out of here today.

Overheard while flying through Chattanooga, this exchange with approach control and an aerial photo operation...

Skylane 12345: Chattanooga we would like to take pictures of the Chockamauga Dam, one rolling to right and one to left.

Control: Approved. Maintain VFR.

Skylane 12345: Chattanooga, we need to climb to 10,000 to take a couple more.

(short pause)

Control: Approved, maintain VFR.

Skylane 12345: Chattanooga, we would like to shoot one more from the south.

(longer pause)

Control: DAM photo approved.

Unknown: Bet he wont ask again.

Overheard while waiting for takeoff on Runway 29 at Oakland California:

Airliner 123: Airliner 123, waiting in sequence.

Oakland Tower: A little too much information, 123 ... but I'll bet you look adorable in sequins.

Caution: Greenhorn on the runway...

As I taxied into the number two position (holding short of the runway behind one of the local flightschool aircraft) I switched to tower frequency -- just in time to hear the following transmission between the tower and student pilot:

Tower: Skyhawk 123 taxi into position and hold.

(pause)

Skyhawk 123: Aaaah ...

(short pause)

Skyhawk 123: ... Assume the position, 123.

Such concern is touching...

Overheard ata smallAustralian regional airport.

Regional Carrier XYZ Tower, XYZ, we may be reporting a bird-strike on landing. We're just backtracking the runway to check.

Tower Theres a large bird lying on the runway, so were confirming that strike.

Regional Carrier Roger, XYZ. Can you see any damage?

Tower Dont know yet, we havent checked. ...But its not moving.

As heard over the Palomar Tower Freq. back in 1981, from a female controller to a distinguished elder gentleman pilot (and friend)...

Palomar Tower: Tiger Moth on the right downwind, say your intentions.

Tiger Moth: Strictly honorable Ma'am, strictly honorable.

Somtimes they're a little busy...

Overheard inbound to EAA's AirVenture Oshkosh, 2003, where only the controllers on the ground speak and pilots respond by rocking their wings.

Controller: Bell Helicopter, Fisk Approach. If you read, rock your wings.

[pause]

Controller: Right... OK, I guess you really don't have any wings. Bell Helicopter, if you read, transmit.

Helicopter: I read you, Fisk.

Controller: Roger, enter left traffic for runway 36, welcome to Oshkosh ... you've earned your wings today.

ATC: Saratoga 12345, traffic at 3,000 feet (same altitude), 1 O'Clock, 3 miles opposite direction.

Saratoga 12345: Roger, looking for traffic.

(long pause)

Saratoga 12345: Approach, Saratoga 12345, no joy on that traffic, can you give us a better location on it?

ATC: I can give you a much better location ... he's 2 miles behind you. Traffic no longer a factor. In spite of your best efforts, the Big Sky theory wins again.