Short Final

While coming into Grand Forks on a rather slow day, I was awaiting the freq change to tower...

Me: Approach N*** looking for tower.
Them: N*** 12 o'clock, 11 miles. It's the tall one.
(pause)
Them: (laughing) N*** squawk VFR contact tower eighteen four have a good day.
(...Maybe they could see my expression through the radio.)

"Overheard this one while in the pattern at PBH..."

Pilot: Price County traffic, Experimental #### will be going down in the lake off the end of 01.

Unicom: Will notify Sheriff's department immediately. Hang on!

Pilot: ...........Uh, negative.........we're an Amphibian.

I was eagerly awaiting t/o clearance while holding short of the runway in FLL. There were several aircraft on approach, including a Shorts 360. After several requests for t/o, I intervened one more time. The response was a bit of a surprise...

Tower: Sir, just give me a moment while I get my Shorts down.

...Overheard one evening in August just west of ATL:

Tower: (To aircraft doing touch and goes alone in the pattern) ...You watching the fireworks just north of here?

Piper1234: Yup ... what's the holiday on August 18th that includes fireworks?

Tower: No clue.

Unidentified: Well, I know what it is. Ten year aniversary of my diviorce.
(pause)...And now I know where the money has gone.

Brown Field, south of San Diego has an 8,000-foot runway offering multiple intersection departures for smaller aircraft (and exits for larger ones)...

Experimental: Brown Tower, experimental ###, holding short of 26R on Bravo. Running late and ready to go.

Tower: Experimental ### hold short landing traffic ... Citation on four mile final.

Experimental: Hold short 26R, ###.

Tower: Experimental ###, can you make room over there on Bravo for the Citation coming off the active?

Experimental: We'll pull off into the run-up area, ###.

Tower: Thank you.

Experimental: Yup. But if there's anything else we could do ... like if they decide their limo needs shining ... please find someone else.

A long time ago, bopping along in my 180 Arrow at 10,000 feet, IFR in VFR conditions, from Boston to Kalamazoo. It had taken me 20 minutes to get that high -- 10 of that for the last 2,000 feet. Then, Cleveland Center asked me to climb to 11,000 feet for traffic...

Me: You mean it?

ARTCC: Sure do.

Me: Do I hafta?

ARTCC: Yep.

Me: Okay ... but it's gonna take me ten minutes or better.

ARTCC: Okay, then if I ask you to descend to 9,000 for ten minutes, how long will it take you to get back to 10?

Me: Oh, 'bout the same, 1MV.

ARTCC: Okay, I guess I'll have to go to plan B.... 1MV, maintain one-zero thousand. United 123, turn right 20-degrees for traffic; American 456, maintain niner thousand for opposite direction traffic, 12 o'clock 10 miles at 10 thou; Trans World 789, cancel direct, turn right 250-degrees, and stop the descent at 0ne-two thousand ...