Short Final

Tower: Katana ###F you are number two for landing following a Piper Warrior.

Katana ###F (a student ... me): Number two following a Warrior that I am looking for.

Tower: The Warrior is on left downwind at about 2 oclock.

Katana ###F: I have the traffic in sight, Katana ###F.

(Few moments pass)

Katana ###F: Santa Rosa Tower, Katana ###F does not have the traffic in sight. What I saw was a bird.

Tower: (Laughter from the tower) Katana ###F, continue downwind. I'll call your turn to base.

Candor in Caldwell...

Super Cruiser: Caldwell tower, Super Cruiser N### has just departed Morristown, I would like to transition your airspace to the north.

CDW: Super Cruiser transition approved at or above 1700 ft.

(About 5 minutes later...)

CDW: Super Cruiser, say again aircraft type.

Super Cruiser: Caldwell Tower, I am a PA-12, 1946 Piper Cub Super Cruiser, just a bit old and slow.

CDW: Roger ... not unlike some of us in the Tower.

During our Civil Air Patrol mission today, we were monitoring the local tower and overheard the following traffic from a Piper Cub to the Tower:

Piper Cub: On final approach Runway 27.
Tower: Be advised there are slow movers crossing 27 at 1.
Piper Cub: That's O.K., we're slow movers, too.

Pilatus: Tower, we think we just hit Rocky the Squirrel half way down the runway.

Tower: I thought I saw a pink mist down there. Is your plane OK?

Pilatus: Seems we're fine, but its not been a good day for Rocky.

Tower: Let's just hope Bullwinkle doesn't come looking...

(10 minutes later)

Airport 1: Taxi 31 for squirrel removal.

Unknown voice: Do you have an approved squirrel cage for that squirrel?

Airport 1: Uh... I'm afraid this is more of a shovel operation.

Tower: Cherokee ###, extend downwind. We're scraping up the squirrel.

When communications run afowl...

(Overheard May 15, 2004.)

Tower: Landing traffic, be advised that there's still a turkey on the runway.

Pilot (speaking immediately): Tower, Cessna ### clear of the active.

Tower: Thank you ... (laughter) ... but I meant the real turkey.

(Three runways, two intersections and a lesson in geometry.)While doing touch and goes at my home airport...
Tower: Experimental XYZ, cleared to land 17, hold short of 35.

Me (without thinking): Roger, cleared on 17, hold short of 35.

(Several seconds later.)

Voice on frequency: I want to see this!

Another voice: Me, too!

Tower: Uh, Experimental XYZ, make that hold short of 22.

Voice: Darn!

While practicing for my commercial license I was in the practice area west of Cleveland Hopkins airport. I had the radio tuned to the tower and heard this...

Controller: Cessna ###, what is your purpose here on the field?

Pilot: I'm here for my check ride.
(pause)
Controller: Are you a bit nervous?

Pilot: A bit...

Controller: Because you landed on the taxiway instead of the assigned runway....

Everybody's a critic...

Overheard on a busy training day while joining the traffic pattern at Caldwell airport, N.J...

Tower: Cessna ###, traffic at your one o'clock and 1,200.

Cessna ###: We've got a Piper flying an extremely tight pattern ... or a go-around.

Tower: Piper ###, traffic, a Cessna, at your five o'clock and 1,300.

Piper: We've got a Cessna flying and extremely distant downwind ... or landing somewhere else.

From our "Finer Points of Maintenance" file...

"Remember, you really only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use the duct tape."

From our brain burps file...

Tower: Fokker 170, hold position.

Fokker 170: I don't know how to do that.

(pause)

Manila Tower: [Airliner] 2, hold position. Fokker 170, continue approach, cleared to land.