F-100: Ground control, F-100 ready to taxi.
Ground: F-100 clear to taxi to Runway 5 left. Follow the 767 ahead of you.
F-100: Where is the '67 going?
Ground: To Madrid ... but you just follow him till before the runway!!!
Won't the passengers be upset?
Tower (again): Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
Me: Skylane 12345, West hangers, with MIKE, taxi.
Before I could get a word in edge-wise, my brother, Mike, (with awe in his voice...) said, You have to even tell them who is with you?
It took several minutes for me to regain composure and get on with the flight.
Heavy 123: Holding straight and level.
At least, that's assuming my First Officer can hold straight & Level...
O'Hare: Speedbird xxx slow to 200 kts.
Speedbird xxx: Sorry, running late, need to keep the speed up.
O'Hare: Ok, turn right 90 degrees and keep your speed up.
Speedbird xxx: Errr, how long would we be on that heading?
O'Hare: Till you slow to 200.
Speedbird xxx: Roger, slowing to 200
Citation XXX: 127.35, have a nice day.
Boston Center: Citation XXX, that frequency is 123.75.
Citation XXX: Sorry, 123.75, we were dyslexic but were KO now.
Departure Control: Continental ABC turn left heading 240 degrees and climb to 11,000.
Departure Control: Continental ABC, Simon says turn left heading 240 degrees and climb to 11,000.
Continental ABC: Roger, left turn 240 and up to 11,000, Continental ABC.
Continental XXX: Well sir, we are doing 2000fpm
Controller: Could you make it 3000 fpm?
Continental XXX: No Sir.
Controller: Oh ... do you not have speedbrakes?
Continental: Yes sir, I do, but that is for MY mistakes, not for YOURS!
Overheard on tower frequency at El Monte, Ca. airport, several years ago...
Tower: "Cessna Nxxxx., say your location."
Cessna Nxxxx: "I'm over here!"
As I was heading across the Desert a few monthes back, at the height of the Iraqi war, and wanting to cut through R2515 around Edwards Air Force Base, I had the following exchange with Joshua Approach...
Joshua Approach, Musketeer 123 requesting transition through R2515.
Joshua: Restricted area currently off limits, but let me talk to them at Edwards.
(About 20 seconds of dead air and then Joshua came back to me.)
Joshua: Musketeer 123, Proceed through the restricted area as requested, they need some practice on slow targets.