Short Final

Overheard recently -- while I was literally on short final, in fact:

Tower: Cessna XXX, you said you were at taxiway Alpha One? Alpha Two?

Cessna XXX: Uh... We're holding at Alpha Three.

Tower: Right. One plus Two equals Three.

Overheard October 19, near Las Vegas:

United XXX: LA Center, say again the frequency for United XXX. No answer on 133.4.
Center: United XXX, 133.4 is correct. Try again. If there's still no answer, come back up this frequency ... and I'll send somebody over there to smack the dirt out of their ears.

An SLC Center Controler I know has his personal aircraft hangered at the local Muni airport. Facing his hangar is another that houses a Green Cessna 210. One day that Cessna came into his sector. My controler friend recognized the N number. The exchange follows...

Controller: N123, is that airplane painted green?
Pilot: Uh, yes. ...Why?
Controller: Just checking our new color radar.

Overheard on the Mexico City ground control freq....

F-100: Ground control, F-100 ready to taxi.
Ground: F-100 clear to taxi to Runway 5 left. Follow the 767 ahead of you.
F-100: Where is the '67 going?
Ground: To Madrid ... but you just follow him till before the runway!!!

From Grand Rapids tower... Tower to Continental ABC: I see that your flight plan states, "no ice".
(pause)
Won't the passengers be upset?

Tower (again): Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

I was taking my brother for his first flight in a GA airplane. He was somewhat nervous and a little overwhelmed by what we go through to launch a flight. I picked up the local ATIS on my handheld before engine start and, after we got in the plane and were ready to call for taxi clearance, I briefed him on the kind of radio transmissions he would hear as we taxied out and took off. That education behind us, I called for taxi clearance:

Me: Skylane 12345, West hangers, with MIKE, taxi.

Before I could get a word in edge-wise, my brother, Mike, (with awe in his voice...) said, You have to even tell them who is with you?

It took several minutes for me to regain composure and get on with the flight.

Approach : Heavy 123 : Hold straight and level!

Heavy 123: Holding straight and level.
(pause)
At least, that's assuming my First Officer can hold straight & Level...

Back in the 70's, BOAC (British Airways) flew into O'Hare Chicago and their call sign was "Speedbird"...

O'Hare: Speedbird xxx slow to 200 kts.

Speedbird xxx: Sorry, running late, need to keep the speed up.

O'Hare: Ok, turn right 90 degrees and keep your speed up.

Speedbird xxx: Errr, how long would we be on that heading?

O'Hare: Till you slow to 200.

Speedbird xxx: Roger, slowing to 200

Boston Center: Citation XXX, Boston Center now on 123.75.

Citation XXX: 127.35, have a nice day.

Boston Center: Citation XXX, that frequency is 123.75.

Citation XXX: Sorry, 123.75, we were dyslexic but were KO now.

Overheard en route out of Morristown, NJ (MMU) to Covington, KY (CVG)...

Departure Control: Continental ABC turn left heading 240 degrees and climb to 11,000.

[long pause]

Departure Control: Continental ABC, Simon says turn left heading 240 degrees and climb to 11,000.

Continental ABC: Roger, left turn 240 and up to 11,000, Continental ABC.