Short Final

Short Final

An SLC Center Controler I know has his personal aircraft hangered at the local Muni airport. Facing his hangar is another that houses a Green Cessna 210. One day that Cessna came into his sector. My controler friend recognized the N number. The exchange follows...

Controller: N123, is that airplane painted green?
Pilot: Uh, yes. ...Why?
Controller: Just checking our new color radar.

Short Final…

Overheard on the Mexico City ground control freq....

F-100: Ground control, F-100 ready to taxi.
Ground: F-100 clear to taxi to Runway 5 left. Follow the 767 ahead of you.
F-100: Where is the '67 going?
Ground: To Madrid ... but you just follow him till before the runway!!!

Short Final…

From Grand Rapids tower... Tower to Continental ABC: I see that your flight plan states, "no ice".
(pause)
Won't the passengers be upset?

Tower (again): Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Short Final…

I was taking my brother for his first flight in a GA airplane. He was somewhat nervous and a little overwhelmed by what we go through to launch a flight. I picked up the local ATIS on my handheld before engine start and, after we got in the plane and were ready to call for taxi clearance, I briefed him on the kind of radio transmissions he would hear as we taxied out and took off. That education behind us, I called for taxi clearance:

Me: Skylane 12345, West hangers, with MIKE, taxi.

Before I could get a word in edge-wise, my brother, Mike, (with awe in his voice...) said, You have to even tell them who is with you?

It took several minutes for me to regain composure and get on with the flight.

Short Final…

Approach : Heavy 123 : Hold straight and level!

Heavy 123: Holding straight and level.
(pause)
At least, that's assuming my First Officer can hold straight & Level...

Short Final…

Back in the 70's, BOAC (British Airways) flew into O'Hare Chicago and their call sign was "Speedbird"...

O'Hare: Speedbird xxx slow to 200 kts.

Speedbird xxx: Sorry, running late, need to keep the speed up.

O'Hare: Ok, turn right 90 degrees and keep your speed up.

Speedbird xxx: Errr, how long would we be on that heading?

O'Hare: Till you slow to 200.

Speedbird xxx: Roger, slowing to 200

Short Final…

Boston Center: Citation XXX, Boston Center now on 123.75.

Citation XXX: 127.35, have a nice day.

Boston Center: Citation XXX, that frequency is 123.75.

Citation XXX: Sorry, 123.75, we were dyslexic but were KO now.

Short Final…

Overheard en route out of Morristown, NJ (MMU) to Covington, KY (CVG)...

Departure Control: Continental ABC turn left heading 240 degrees and climb to 11,000.

[long pause]

Departure Control: Continental ABC, Simon says turn left heading 240 degrees and climb to 11,000.

Continental ABC: Roger, left turn 240 and up to 11,000, Continental ABC.

Short Final…

Control: Continental XXX give me a good rate please through FL100?

Continental XXX: Well sir, we are doing 2000fpm

Controller: Could you make it 3000 fpm?

Continental XXX: No Sir.

Controller: Oh ... do you not have speedbrakes?

Continental: Yes sir, I do, but that is for MY mistakes, not for YOURS!

Short Final…

Overheard on tower frequency at El Monte, Ca. airport, several years ago...

Tower: "Cessna Nxxxx., say your location."

Cessna Nxxxx: "I'm over here!"

Tips on avoiding the CEO's depressingly long compendium of stupidity.

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